


If it's meant to be, it will happen

by tessalane



Category: One Direction
Genre: Crush, Eventually Louis' Mum dies and he has a hard time dealing with it, Happy Ending, Harry and his friends bully Louis, Harry helps him, Harry is slightly older, Highschool AU, I can't put it all in here, Louis and Zayn are best feelings, Louis becomes a youtuber, Louis has a massive crush on him, Louis plays soccer with them, M/M, Pining, there's so much plot in this pls just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 09:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9228857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessalane/pseuds/tessalane
Summary: „Remember when you said there will be a time I’ll be happy I didn’t give up because everything just feels right and I’ll be so happy, my heart will feel like it wants to jump out of my chest and it will feel so right and in place, I’ll almost cry because I’m so happy?“Harry hums and pushes a hair strand out of Louis’ face and continues to stroke his hair gently.„That’s how I feel right now.“// or Louis had a crush on Harry since forever, but Harry has been mean to him ever since. Things change when Louis' mum dies and Harry graduates and Louis starts a Youtube channel. //





	

**Author's Note:**

> Jeeeez, I can't begin to explain how happy I am that I finished this. There's so much going on in this story, I apologize in advance but the ending makes up for it. I also apologize for any mistakes 
> 
> There's not much angst or depression, Louis simply has a hard time dealing with his mum's death. 
> 
> I was inspired by a lot of things. 
> 
> 1) Louis' mum actually dying and my heart breaking  
> 2) a youtuber called Riyadh K who made a video where he called his school bully and sorted out things with him  
> 3) One direction obviously 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this because I put so much work and time in this story and I can't wait to hear your opinions!

It’s not like Louis hates school. He really doesn’t. He loves History and Music and most importantly Theatre. He has his friends and his teachers adore him. So it’s all pretty good. 

But every school has that group of cool people that everyone just seems to look up to. They either wish they’d be them, belong to them or fuck them. And Louis kind of wants all three. 

And his biggest problem about school is that this group just seems to hate him. For no apparent reason whatsoever. 

They’ve bullied him for the past few years, calling him names and sometimes even shoving him into lockers and such and Louis is terrified of them. 

Which is why he ducks his head in as said group walks past him. 

„Hey Fag, close the door, don’t want to get AIDS.“, Nick Grimshaw yells as he, Taylor Swift and Harry Styles walk past them. 

They all laugh. Louis rolls his eyes. 

„Haha, very funny.“, Louis mutters. „Dick.“ 

He takes out his Maths book and his calculator and then closes his locker as he turns around and heads towards the other direction, quickly running away from them.

„Oi, Louis!“, a very familiar voice yells behind him and suddenly there’s an arm around his shoulder. 

He sighs in relief as a familiar smell fills his nose.

„Hello Zayn, how’re we feeling today?“

„I’m bloody brilliant, I got an A in Art today. How’s my best friend doing?“ 

„Of course you got an A, Zayn. Why are you even surprised?“, Louis states and fondly rolls his eyes at his best friend. 

Zayn knows he’s brilliant at Art and he also knows that Louis is his biggest fan. However, he still blushes and scrunches up his nose. He looks adorable. 

„Anything new from the scumgang?“, Zayn asks and Louis immediately knows who Zayn means. 

He grins. „Horrible, awful and annoying as usual.“ 

Zayn shakes his head. „I’ll kill them. I swear I’d kill them if Liam wasn’t so hot.“ 

Louis laughs out loud as they come to a stand right in front of the Maths classroom. „Same for me if Harry wasn’t so hot.“ 

They both sigh. „Why do they have to be such dickheads? It’s not fair.“ 

Louis shrugs. „I don’t know. All I know is that Harry and his stupid gang make my school life a living hell.“ 

„Don’t say that. You’ve got me! And also our entire year loves you. I don’t even understand why a group of Year 12 would go for someone in Year 10. Just doesn’t make any sense to me.“ 

Louis hums in agreement. He’s been asking himself that exact question the entire school year. What on bloody earth is so interesting about a tiny, awkward gay boy with a Justin Bieber fringe and a squeaky voice? He’s not trying to put himself down but he’s realistic. 

And he knows that a group of gorgeous models like Harry and Taylor and Barbara and Liam simply are way up his league. And therefore shouldn’t care about his existence. But they do. And it’s annoying and irritating. 

——————————

„Mum, I’m home!“, Louis yells as he puts his school bag onto the floor and takes of his jacket. It smells like Cinnamon and Apple and Louis has been hungry for the entire day now. 

„Hello, sweetheart, I’ve made Apple Crumble! It’s in the kitchen, just put it in the microwave.“ 

„Okay!“, Louis yells back and heads straight to the kitchen. 

While his Crumble heats up in the microwave, he gets out his phone and checks his Instagram. 

Obviously, the first person he checks up on (not stalk, definitely not, Louis is not that pathetic, thank you very much) is Harry Styles. 

His ultimate dream of a man. The guy he’s been crushing on since grade seven. The guy who made him realize he were gay. The guy who hates him more than anything in this entire world. 

And still, every time Louis sees him in the hallway or sees a picture of him online, his heart rate picks up and thousand butterflies begin to dance in his stomach. 

Suddenly he gets a notification that someone noticed his name in a comment. 

He clicks on the picture and sees that Nick Grimshaw has commented his name under a picture that says ‚Little gay boys who think they are cool‘ with a few pictures of blue vans, Louis’ haircut, a hairbrush and a microphone. 

He rolls his eyes. 

Take a deep breath in. And out. 

„Don’t let them get to you, Louis!“, he mumbles to himself as he closes his eyes and tries his hardest to numb the pain in his chest. „It’s not worth it. They are not worth it.“

It’s ridiculous. He doesn’t understand what problem they have with him and why they keep picking on him and it’s so frustrating. And obviously hurting him a lot more than it should. 

 

—————————

„Have you heard it yet?“, Zayn asks concerned as Louis walks into the classroom the next morning. 

„Good Morning to you to, sunshine.“, Louis mocks him and falls down onto his chair. 

„Harry and Taylor are officially dating now.“ 

Louis’ stomach drops, his face gets pale and he feels like he can’t breathe. „What?“ 

„They snogged in the parking lot this morning and she posted a picture of them with the Caption ‚best boyfriend in the entire world‘“.“, Zayn explains and puts a hand on his shoulder. „I’m so sorry.“ 

Louis shakes his head and tries to take a deep breath. „I’m fine. It eventually would’ve happened. I mean, it was stupid to think I could have a chance with him out of all people. You know? Just … stupid.“ 

„I’m sorry, Lou.“, he simply says and wraps an arm around his slim body and holds him close as Louis focuses on the board in front of him and tries to blink his tears away. 

Why does it hurt this much? He knows that someone like Harry Styles would never in a million years like him and still he’s sitting here trying not to cry as he feels the pain consume him. 

Louis is really grateful that Zayn takes him serious and doesn’t mock him because as dumb as it is, Louis’ heart does feels broken in a way. He tries not to feel or think too much, but he’s been crushing on Harry for about three years now and it’s just painful. 

——————————

They’re in the cafeteria and Zayn, Eleanor, Perrie and Louis are talking about the new Avengers movie just as Nick, Liam, Harry, Taylor, Barbara and Niall enter the cafeteria and it seems as if the entire hall just stops for a moment and watches them. 

It’s true, Harry and Taylor hold hands and Louis bites his lip because it hurts too much to see Harry looking beautiful as ever with his brown soft curls and his green eyes and his blinding smile and to know that he’ll never have him the way he wants him. 

Eleanor reaches out a hand to touch him and smiles up at him but it’s no use. It still hurts. And the others showing him sympathy doesn’t make it better, it only makes it worse. 

He clears his throat and gets up. „I’ll get myself some water.“ 

They just nod at him so he walks towards the water dispenser, takes a glass and waits in line. He’s impatiently stepping onto the floor as he watches the people in front of him. 

„Hello Lewis.“, a deep husky voice behind him says and Louis swears he gets goosebumps every time he hears him talk. 

„Hello Harold.“, Louis dryly answers which earns him a raw laugh from Harry. God, he’s beautiful. 

„You alright? Any cute boys around?“ 

He rolls his eyes and takes a step closer to the dispenser. „Nope. Got my heart broken. Congrats on your relationship by the way. Must be true love.“

He can’t help the way it sounds super sarcastic. 

Harry clears his throat and adjusts his brown bandana on his head which should look absolutely ridiculous but of course it looks gorgeous on him. 

„Thanks, theatre boy. I’m sure you’ll find it too one day. But gays enjoy it more casual anyway, don’t they?“ 

Louis bites his lip and tries his hardest to blink the tears away. That hurt. A lot. Harry has that affect on him, always. He takes a shaky breath and thanks God for finally being first on the line. He quickly fills up his water. 

„Casual is at least better than being an asshole.“, he snaps and with that he turns around and walks back to his friends with shaky hands and a tight throat. 

 

————————

„Louis?“, his mum asks as she knocks on the door. „Can I come in?“ 

„Sure.“, he calls and closes his script for their next theatre play. He got the main part and has lots of reading to do. „What’s up?“

His mum enters the room and sits down on the bed, hands in fists and her entire body stiff. 

Louis frowns. „Are you okay?“ 

She clears her throat. „You know you can tell me anything, right?“ 

Louis nods. Weird. „Uhm, yeah?“ 

„Like, anything and everything. No matter what it is.“ 

He nods again. „I know?“ 

„I will always support you. You know? Just go ahead and tell me.“ 

Louis still doesn’t get it. Why is she acting so weird? 

„Louis, you know, it really is okay. I won’t judge you or anything.“ 

Oh. 

Now he gets it. 

Fuck. 

He huffs out a breath and hides his face behind his hands. 

Louis has never officially came out to his mum. He knew that she knew or at least had an idea but he never had said it out loud and he had hoped that he would never get into a situation where he would have to say it out loud in front of her either. 

„Louis. I … It’s okay. I just want you to be 100 percent honest with me.“ 

Louis shakes his head, his face still hidden from his mum. „I can’t say it.“ 

„I don’t want to say that it’s okay AGAIN but I will if I have to.“ 

He laughs out loud and eventually looks up again and faces her. She smiles at him and nods. „I…“ 

He clears his throat and bites his lip. 

„I … am…“, his voice breaks. „Gay.“ 

His mum huffs out a breath she apparently was holding and looks up to the ceiling. He can see tears in her eyes. 

„I’m sorry.“, he mumbles and wishes he hadn’t said anything. 

„No, God. Don’t be! Not at all.“, she quickly says and wipes over her face. „I’m just an emotional thing. And I’m proud of you that you had the courage to officially tell me. I wanted you to feel accepted and loved and to me it felt weird that you never said it out loud before.“ 

He nods. She’s right, he guesses. 

„I just want you to know that I love and support you. And that I want to know what’s going on in your head. So tell me. How … did you know?“ 

Louis grunts and throws his head back. „Really, mum? Do we have to talk about this?“ 

She holds up her hands in defense and shakes her head. „No, of course not. I’ll leave if you want.“ 

He sighs. „No, no. It’s… just weird to talk about it, I guess. The only person who knows is Zayn.“ 

She presses her lips together and nods. 

„I first knew when I saw a guy from school walk down the corridor towards me. He had brown curls styled in a quiff, wore dark skinny jeans, brown boots and a black blouse with the first few buttons undone. 

And I thought: Damn. He’s beautiful. 

And he was looking right at me, staring at me and smiling with his dimples full on display. And I thought he might come towards me and kiss me. 

But instead he ruffled my hair and yelled: Don’t get a boner staring at me. 

And everyone had laughed and I ran to the bathroom and started crying.“ 

His mum looks terrified. „That’s horrible. I thought you were telling me a cute story about a long time crush and how you finally admitted your feelings to him and have been dating him ever since.“ 

„You mean Zayn?“, he grins. 

She blushes and shrugs her shoulders. „I always liked you two together.“ 

„No, Mum. Please forget that immediately. He’s like my brother and we both like different people.“ 

Her eyes light up. „So you DO like someone!“ 

Louis grunts again. „MUM!“ 

„No, no, no. Now you have to tell me.“ 

Louis bites his lip and plays with the hem of his sweater. He eventually gives in because his mum looks at him with this adorable smile on her face and the way she gets all emotional about this does move him quite a lot. „His name is Harry. But it’s all really stupid.“ 

„Why?“ 

„Because he’s the guy who made me realize I liked boys…“ 

„The guy who ruffled your hair and yelled those things at you?“, she says and tears her eyes open. 

„Yup. That would be him.“ 

„But wasn’t that years ago?“ 

„Three to be exact.“ 

„Wow.“ 

„Yeah.“ 

„That’s pathetic.“ 

„MUM!“

His mum begins to giggle and it’s so adorable Louis can’t help but laugh with her. Her laugh has always been infectious. 

„I’m joking, I’m joking. I’m sorry, that was rude and not funny at all. I’m sorry, Louis.“

He shrugs his shoulders and wipes away a few tears from laughing so much. „It’s okay. I forgive you. I know it’s pathetic. I just can’t help it. He’s so amazing, the way he talks, the way he smiles. I don’t know, it’s dumb.“ 

She shakes her head. „No, I don’t think so. I think you’re a romantic, just like me. And if it’s meant to be, it will happen.“ 

Louis sighs. „Yeah, but I don’t think it’s meant to be. He has a girlfriend.“

His mum clears her throat and mumbles. „That doesn’t mean anything.“ 

And Louis just has to laugh again. He loves his mum. He really does. 

„Good night, Lou. Dream well. Maybe from Harry.“

„Please be quiet, Mum!“ 

 

—————————-

„Just one more year, just one more year, just one more year, just one more year! Then they’re all gone, they all graduated and you will be free from their constant harassment.“, Louis mumbles as he walks towards his locker, aware of the fact that in any moment someone from the scumgang could show up and throw some mean insult at him. 

It’s crazy because he’d never say he’s a bully victim but every time he begins to think about the things they do and say all he can think about is how that’s the exact behavior of bullying. So yeah, he guess, he’s getting bullied. By his crush. 

He opens his locker and gets out a book as two broad pair of shoulders surround and isolate him. One on his left and one on his right make it practically impossible for him to escape. 

„Hello Niall, Liam. Is there anything in particular that I can help you with?“, Louis asks and tries to keep his cool. 

If he’s being honest, Liam and Niall were always reserved in terms of bullying him, they always shut their mouths when it came to him so he’s not that afraid of them. 

„Hey Louis, how’s it going?“, Niall asks and grins at him. Louis just raises an eyebrow. 

„Niall, will you please shut up?“, Liam pleads and then smiles at Louis through soft hazel eyes. Louis gets why Zayn’s head over heels for him. „Look, Louis, we have this problem.“ 

„Okay, and why should I care?“

This makes Niall break out into hysterical laughter. „Hahaha, that was good. That was good. Oh man. I didn’t know he’s funny.“ 

Louis snorts contemptibly and closes his locker. „HE actually has things to do so if you excuse me.“ 

„No, no, no, no. Please. Wait. Give me a minute to explain.“, Liam asks and puts a strong hand on his shoulder. It feels warm and weird and Louis gets taken aback for a moment which Liam uses to start to ramble. 

„Okay, see. We have this extremely important soccer match in two weeks and our striker has broken his foot, because he’s a fucking dickhead and we asked everyone in our year but they’re all just useless and then we asked Couch Cowell for help and he said that by far the best striker he knows is you.“ 

Louis blushes a litte that Couch Cowell would say such nice things about him but he still looks unimpressed. 

„That was quite surprising to all of us but I mean if Cowell says that we will believe him.“, Niall throws in which earns an angry expression from Liam. 

„Niall, will you be quiet.“ 

Louis grins. „I don’t know. The whole football team consists of dickheads. Including you. So why would I help you when all you do is treat me like shit?“ 

„So we don’t treat you like shit anymore?“, Niall tries and grins at him. 

Liam shakes his head. „Why are you my friend again.“ 

Louis can’t help but laugh at these two and shakes his head. „Jesus Christ, you should see yourselves. Alright, I’ll stop by and train with you guys and then we can decide if that’s really a smart thing to do, yeah?“

Liam’s eyes light up and he hugs him quickly. „Thank you, Louis!“ 

„Liam, stop being so extra. He simply agreed to train with us once.“, Niall says and claps a hand on Louis’ back. „See you tomorrow at four o’clock in the gym, alright?“ 

Louis nods and turns around. That should be interesting. 

 

———————-

„Wait.“, Zayn says and looks at him over his phone. „Niall and LIAM asked you to train with them? Are you for real?“ 

Louis shrugs his shoulders helplessly and takes a sip of his tea. 

„Fuck. Can I watch?“ 

Louis hums. „I don’t care.“ 

Zayn looks at him for a few seconds, then sighs and puts his phone down. „Louis, don’t think about it too much. You’re amazing at soccer and they need you. They won’t mock you, okay? Not this time. And if they do you’ll simply quit. Say Fuck you and leave.“ 

Louis sighs dramatically and puts his tea down. „Yeah, sure. Theoretically that’s how it should go. But me? I don’t trust myself. What if I mess up tomorrow or if I start crying when they laugh at me? It would make things so much worse.“ 

„No it won’t. Because Couch Cowell will be there tomorrow and he loves you. The moment he sees one of them making fun of you they get kicked out of the team and they all know that. Have some confidence, Lou. You’re great at what you do and they’ll soon realize that.“ 

He nods and smiles at him. „Thanks for being my best friend.“ 

„Yeah, yeah. And now help me choose the right picture for Instagram.“ 

 

————————

Louis’ heart beats so fast he swears it will explode every second. 

As he’s walking towards the gym, his hands are shaking and sweating, he imagines 1000 different horrible scenarios of how the training could go. 

Obviously, he’s freaking out since the majority of the football team has mocked him and pulled pranks on him the past year. 

He pushes the door open and gets inside the locker room, where all of the guys are already changing and chatting away in laughter and Louis - 

feels small and horrible and left out. 

„Ah, see who’s here. The little smurf came to save the day.“, Harry shouts causing everyone to laugh. 

If it hadn’t been Harry he would turn around and leave and cry but it’s Harry and Harry could probably say anything to him without Louis saying something. At this point it’s just pathetic. 

He just rolls his eyes and heads towards an empty spot. Without giving them any further attention he pulls of his sweater and gets out a grey nike shirt and some blue shorts. 

He doesn’t have the school football uniform so he improvised with the clothes. 

He hears a whistle behind him. „Woah, Louis, didn’t know you had muscles.“ 

In fact, Louis has been playing football since he was three years old, so yeah, of course he has muscles, thank you very much. 

„Yeah, unlike you.“, Louis snaps back and puts his grey shirt on. 

Thank god a few guys have already left the locker room, including Nick, Niall and Liam. 

Therefore it’s not as awkward as before when he pulls down his trousers and changes into the blue shorts. Then he puts on his training shoes and grabs his water bottle. 

Without giving him any further attention, he passes past Harry quietly and makes his way towards the field. However, he feels the curly haired Boy’s presence as vivid as ever when he walks by and can almost grasp the tension between them. 

It’s all in his head, he tells himself. All in his head. Harry is straight. 

The guys have already gathered around in a circle listening to Couch Cowell but Louis isn’t close enough to hear them just yet. 

When he does reach them, a smile spreads on Cowell’s face. 

„Louis, good to see you. How’s your mum?“ 

„Hey Simon.“, Louis greets him and forces out a smile. „It’s tough.“ 

Simon nods understandingly. 

„Is Fizzy still playing?“, he asks. 

Louis can feel the other’s eyes on him but he doesn’t really care about them, or at least he’s trying not to. 

„Still playing. She’s almost overtaking me.“ 

Simon laughs. „Nah. No way. Okay everyone, this is Louis. I’ve been his couch since he was three years old and I know for a fact that he’s the best striker around here. We’ll start our usual warmup and then begin with some exercises and then at the end, we’ll play a quick match. Everyone go and run ten rounds.“ 

Louis begins to jog and walks past a group of guys who stare at him confused and weirdly but no, he’s not going to care about them. He’ll just do his thing and do the sport he loves the most. 

„Hey.“, a voice behind him shouts and he groans. 

He hates running with someone. 

„So Couch Cowell is like your second dad, huh?“, Harry asks once he’s finally caught up and Louis rolls his eyes. 

„He doesn’t say I’m good because he’s known me since forever. I actually am good.“, he snaps and sprints a little faster. 

„I never said that.“, Harry argues and speeds up as well. 

„And what are you saying?“ 

„I was just wondering what you meant with your mum. If that’s too personal. You don’t have to answer.“ 

„Good, because I won’t.“, he says and speeds up so much that Harry has no chance to keep up. 

There’s this thing. 

You can have the biggest crush on someone and love it every time they’re around you and talk to you. 

You can also have the biggest crush on someone and hate it every time they’re around you and talk to you.

And Louis is something in between. 

And when Harry, who doesn’t give a shit about Louis or his feelings, asks something so private and personal, Louis can’t control himself. He’ll snap. 

And he’s not even sorry for it. 

After warming up and doing a few exercises which Louis mostly did by himself, Simon claps his hands and calls them over to choose the different teams which will play against each other. 

Louis is with Niall, Liam Tom Daley and a few other guys he doesn’t know. Which means he’s going to play against Harry. And Nick. Fantastic. 

„Alright, everyone on their position!“, Simon yells and then the game begins. 

At first it’s all very slow, the guys not really into game mode just yet so Louis holds himself back and just jogs along. 

Niall passes the ball to Liam, Liam runs forward and passes it to a guy called Sam. Louis is free so it would be just logical to pass the ball to him. But Sam chooses otherwise. 

He keeps the ball and tries to go for it. He runs straight ahead but of course, loses the ball because Harry takes it away from him. 

He’s good. Louis hates to admit it, but he is. He’s fast and elegant and moves gracefully. 

It seems to him as if Harry runs towards him on purpose, which doesn’t make any sense. The goal is in the other direction, why would he do that? 

But he’s coming right at him, the ball tightly under his control. And then he smirks. 

„Go on, Louis. Show us what you got.“, he yells, causing the other ones to whoop. 

Louis rolls his eyes and simply stands in front of Harry who jumps around the ball, trying to confuse him. 

This trick is used by all the eight year olds that he usually trains in his free time therefore he knows what to do. 

He first tips on the right, causing Harry to think he tries to get the ball from the right side. While the curly boy tries to block his right side, Louis jumps over to the left quicker as light and takes the ball away from him. 

With ease he makes his way towards the goal, turns his entire body around Nick, successfully manages to avoid Dylan and then from a healthy distance, shoots right into the goal. 

It was a beautiful goal, even Louis knows. 

He tries his hardest not to look smug but the shocked expressions on the other guys’ faces make it very hard for Louis. He licks his lips and grins. 

As he walks past Harry he says. „Hope I didn’t disappoint ya, Curly.“ 

But Harry’s at a loss for words. He doesn’t say anything else. 

———————

His team won seven to three thanks to Louis. He scored six of the seven goals and earned a high five from his team. Especially Niall seemed to have grown a fond of him. He hugged him and shouted into his ear with his thick irish accent and Louis has to admit he’s not actually that bad. 

Just a little insensitive.

As he’s wiping away the sweat on his forehead and waves his goodbye at Simon, he walks back to the locker room but he takes his time. Maybe some of the guys will already be gone. 

„Hey.“ a voice behind him says and Louis jumps a little. 

He turns around. It’s Tom Daley. „Oh, hi.“ 

„I think you were amazing today.“ 

Louis blushes and licks his lips. „Thanks. I mean, you were too. We won.“ 

Tom laughs and his dimples show. „Yeah, but you were fantastic even. Really. You are very talented.“ 

„I’ve just been playing for a long time. But thanks.“ 

„You’re welcome.“, he smiles softly and then offers him his water bottle. „You look like you need some water.“ 

Louis laughs and all of a sudden notices that he probably looks terrible. Face flushed, sweat everywhere, hair sticky. He takes the bottle from him and opens the lid. „Thank you.“

„I’m Tom, by the way.“ 

Louis smiles. „I know. I mean, I know you. A little. From school and stuff. You know.“ 

Tom giggles and Louis likes that sound. Tom’s cute. 

Together they enter the locker room and are met with loud boys roaring and shouting at each other and the two boys exchange a look of agreement that this football team is absolutely crazy. 

Louis chuckles a little as he makes his way towards his bag and takes off his shirt. He’s all sweaty and gross and really needs to shower. But definitely at home, not here. 

So he takes a towel, rubs his hair dry and then puts on his grey jumper that he burrowed from Zayn. It’s funny since Zayn’s name is written in big red letters on the back because it was a sweater from Artcamp Zayn made himself during summer but he doesn’t really have that in mind. 

Louis then takes off his blue shorts and puts on his black nike sweatpants and his vans. He’s ready to go. 

As he turns around, he notices two things. 

1) A lot of guys have already left the room.

2) Harry is staring at him intensively through his green eyes.. 

Louis clears his throat uncomfortably and wants to leave but a hand around his wrist stops him. Surprised he looks around and notices Tom smiling at him. 

„Hey, maybe if you want we could go and have dinner some time. Maybe see a movie or something.“, Tom asks shyly and smiles at him through puppy eyes. 

Uh oh. This is one of those difficult situations. Is this a date question or a let’s hang out and be friends question? Louis can never tell, partly because he’s incapable of human interaction and partly because he always sees things that simply aren’t there. Perfect example Harry. 

Louis quickly thinks about this and weighs his options. 

If he says yes, he’d either be just friends or maybe something more. 

If he says no, he’d be lonely and probably had someone on the team against him. 

So what does he really have to lose? 

He clears his throat. „Yeah, sure. Why not?“ 

„Great. Um, this is my number.“, Tom says as he gives him a scribbled note. „Just text me if you like.“ 

„Okay.“, Louis dumbly says since he doesn’t really know what else to say. 

Tom gives him one last smile and then turns around and leaves the room. 

Now it’s just Harry and Louis in the locker room. 

„Okay, I’ll go too. Bye.“, Louis says and grabs his bag, ready to leave. 

„Isn’t really a smart move to cheat on your boyfriend with witnesses around.“, Harry states, causing Louis to turn around and frown. 

„What?“

„You just agreed to go on a date with someone. Even though you have a boyfriend. That’s really shitty, you know.“ 

Louis frowns even more. „Okay. What the fuck are you talking about?“ 

Harry just raises his eyebrows and says nothing. He grabs his bag as well and wants to leave the room but Louis blocks the way. 

„What. are. you. talking. about.“

Harry rolls his eyes. He could easily knock Louis out or something since he’s like three heads taller than him but Louis stays right where he is. 

„It’s not fair to Zayn. I mean, even if you’re unhappy in your relationship, cheating is wrong. I thought better of you.“ 

Okay, now Louis doesn’t understand anything anymore. 

„What?! Zayn is my best friend, has been since primary school. If there’s anything between us then it’s being brothers, nothing more. And Tom? Really? He simply asked to hang out not to fuck. If that is cheating for you then I feel very sorry for Taylor. She’s probably not even allowed to talk to her male teachers without you jumping to conclusions. Have a good evening, Harry.“ 

With that, Louis turns around and storms out of the locker room. 

But of course, Harry follows quickly after him. Thank God he doesn’t touch him, though. Only God knows what Louis would’ve done. 

„Wait. So you and Zayn are not dating?“, Harry asks completely confused. „Everyone thinks that.“ 

„Well, everyone thought the world was flat and how about that now, hm?“, Louis mumbles as he digs around in his bag for his phone. 

„But you always hang out together.“ 

„Well,I always hang out with Perrie and Eleanor, too. Am I also dating them?“, Louis asks sarcastically, done with this conversation. What is Harry even trying to achieve? 

„Louis, you’re gay. Of course not.“ 

He stops right in his track and turns around, facing Harry. „Actually“, he begins. „I don’t know if I am.“ 

Harry tears his eyes open and stares at him for a solid few seconds. 

Louis bites down onto his lip. He needs to hold it for a few more seconds. 

But as Harry continues to stare at him as if Louis had just grown another head, he can’t keep his face straight any longer. 

Louis begins to giggle and claps a hand on his stomach. „Hahaha. You should see your face.“ 

Harry then realizes that Louis only made a joke and visibly sighs. „Fuck you.“ 

„You seem so relieved.“ 

„Yeah, because I’ve been calling you a fag for years now.“ 

Louis bites his lip and turns away. Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything. „Alright, I’ll go home now. See you.“ 

„Hey. I can drive you home if you want.“, Harry offers and shows him his car keys but Louis just shakes his head. 

„Nah. Thanks. Need to clear my head a little so I’ll walk.“

So he turns around and begins to walk home. 

——————

Since the first training, Louis has been training with the football team for one and a half weeks now and he’s getting along with them quite well until now. 

Especially Niall, Tom and Liam have found their liking towards Louis, which obviously makes him extremely happy. 

Even though they still throw insults at him here and there it feels more as if it was fun than before. Before, he was scared of them and would run away. 

Now, he laughs about it and shrugs it off. 

Except for Harry. 

He still makes those comments and for some reason, it feels personal. As if Harry really wants to hurt him. Sometimes he actually achieves that and makes Louis’ heart clench and he has to blink away tears. 

Therefore, Louis tries his best to avoid him and get out of his way. 

Even whilst training. 

„Okay boys, tomorrow is the big game. This was a good training today, don’t break anything until tomorrow and know that you fought hard and well and that I’m proud of you.“, Simon finishes his little speech and claps his hands together. 

All the boys begin to clap and Louis smiles at him. 

It’s weird because to Louis Simon is almost like the father he never really had. Simon obviously doesn’t know that but he was around when his Dad wasn’t. Therefore, Simon will always feel very familiar. 

„Have you seen XFactor yesterday?“, Tom asks as they stretch a little. 

Louis nods. „Yeah. James Arthur was amazing.“ 

„I think you should audition.“ 

Louis’ head snaps up. „What? No.“ 

„I’ve heard you sing multiple times before, you’ve got a great voice.“ 

Louis blushes but shrugs. „No way. Thank you, but no.“ 

„Louis!“, Simon shouts and Louis turns around. „Look who’s here!“ 

Louis squints his eyes at Simon and can’t believe his eyes. 

„Sorry Tom, but I have to go. Talk to you later, yeah?“ 

With that, he runs towards Simon and then throws his arms around his little sister. 

„Lottie!“, he breathes into her hair as she wraps her skinny arms around his torso. „I’ve missed you so much!“ 

She doesn’t say anything and he can tell that she’s fighting back tears so he gives her a moment and simply stands there. 

He can feel a few eyes on him but he doesn’t care. He really really doesn’t care at this particular moment. 

Louis kisses her forehead and places his hands on both sides of her face. She looks pale and skinny and has dark circles under eyes but she’s still as pretty as usual. 

„How’re ya doing? You look shit man.“

Lottie laughs and this time it’s genuine. „Same to you, dickhead.“ 

„Yeah, well. What can I say?“ 

„I missed you, Tommo. I really really did. And so do the others. You need to come soon and say hi.“, she says with a frown on her forehead and he nods. 

He knows. He knows he should drive to them more often, see how everything’s going. It’s his responsibility. But he hasn’t accepted the whole thing himself and he hasn’t sorted anything out yet therefore he can’t pretend to be the big responsible brother who has everything under control to them. Not yet. 

But Lottie being Lottie immediately senses Louis’ worries and nudges him a little.

„Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s go shopping and eat ice cream and pizza, yeah?“, Lottie suggests and he grins. 

„Yeah, I just need to get changed first. Wait for me outside the Gym?“ 

She nods and takes her handbag. „Don’t take too long.“ 

He immediately begins to sprint towards the changing room and bursts inside just to meet the entire team chatting away. 

Louis doesn’t even say anything, he just grabs his shirt and pulls it over after getting out of the dirty one and then changes into his black jeans. 

Then he stuffs everything inside and takes a sip from his water bottle. 

„Hey, Louis, mate.“, Liam says and leans towards the locker next to him. „Your… girlfriend’s cute. I didn’t know you were suddenly into girls though.“ 

Louis looks up and frowns. Is this supposed to be another joke? „What the fuck?“ 

„The blonde girl that you hugged just minutes ago? You’re a cute couple.“ 

For some reason, Liam generously sounds and looks absolutely serious. 

„Is this another one of your stupid jokes?“, Louis asks and this time he doesn’t know wether to be pissed at him or amused. 

Liam just shakes his head confused. 

„That’s my sister, you dumbass.“, Louis sighs and takes on his jacket. 

„Ohhh. Okay. And why did you greet her so enthusiastically? Was a bit unusual for brothers and sisters.“ 

„That’s none of your business, mate.“, Louis says. He doesn’t even snap or anything. He’s just tired of people asking questions that they’re not allowed to ask. 

Therefore he grabs his bag, closes the locker and exists the room without saying goodbye to the boys. 

 

———————

„And then Fizzy literally dropped the entire hair color on her legs and now her leg hairs are blue!“, Lottie giggles as tears of laughter form in her eyes. 

Louis grins as he watches her fondly. „So what? Her legs are blue now? Really?“ 

She nods. „Yeah! It’s ridiculous, you should’ve seen her face!“ 

„I can imagine!“, Louis exclaims and he really can. He pictures his little sister Fizzy looking shocked at her legs close to tears as Lottie’s nearly pissing herself. 

„It was so funny!“, she giggles and takes another bite of her pizza. „So now tell me! What’s going on in your life?“ 

Louis sighs and then clears his throat. He was never good at lying. Especially not to Lottie, she could always see right through him. 

„I don’t know. It’s tough, you know?“ 

She’s quiet and simply listens. 

„It’s just a lot going on. In school I try my hardest and it’s not that I’m bad or anything it just requires a lot of work. 

And then this group of stupid people in Year 12 are like obsessed with me and constantly harass me.“, he laughs to make it sound less dramatic. 

„And on top of that the love of my life how it seems is in that group and makes fun of me with them.

And NOW I have to play football with them every day because their striker broke his foot or something.“ 

Lottie looks at him concerned. 

„And I haven’t eaten one bit of this pizza because you little smurf ate all of it!“ 

Lottie laughs again and immediately shoves the plate in his face. „Then go and take something from it!“ 

Louis declines. „You eat it. Please.“ 

She smiles sadly and takes another bite. „Sorry. For everything being so tough.“ 

He shakes his head. „Nah. Not your fault.“ 

She’s quiet for a moment until she eventually speaks up again. Her voice is soft and small. „So are we going to talk about Mum?“ 

He bites his lip. Of course. „If you want to.“ 

„How is she?“ 

Louis can’t lie. He can’t. „Not good. The doctors say there’s no hope. It’s a very aggressive form of Leukemia.“ 

She nods and bites her lips. „I mean we all knew that, right? I just had hoped that maybe…“ 

„I know. Me too. She’s at the hospital most of the time but sometimes she’s allowed to stay home.“ 

„Why don’t you move in with us? You wouldn’t be so alone, Louis. We would take care of each other!“ 

„And who’d take care of Mum? I can’t leave her alone. Not now.“ 

„I understand.“, she says as tears form in her eyes. „But you need to take care of yourself. I can’t lose you too.“ 

„You won’t.“, Louis insists. „I promise. Is Daniel looking after you guys?“ 

She nods. „He’s lovely. He really is. He’s taking good care of all of us, especially Doris, Ernest and Phoebe and Daisy.“ 

„And Mark? Still calling every day? Like he promised? 

She nods. „Still calling every day. He said he would visit us soon and drive with us to London. He’d love if you came with us.“ 

Louis nods. „Yeah, I’ll think about it.“ 

„I miss you, Louis.“ 

„I know.“ 

„If it gets too much just…“ 

„It doesn’t. Don’t worry. I’m fine.“ 

„I know.“, she replies and takes his head. „We’ll stick together, yeah?“ 

He nods. 

——————————

„Mum?“, he shouts as he enters their house and goes straight to the kitchen. 

There’s a little note saying she’ll be gone for the night and Louis sighs. 

He then immediately calls Zayn and hopes that he’ll pick up the phone. Usually he does, however, tonight he doesn’t. 

„Fuck.“, he mumbles. He hates being alone on nights like this, constantly worrying if his mum will be back in the morning. 

Who else could he call? Perrie? Eleanor? Nah. They’re fun in school but in a situation like this they could easily annoy him. 

He grabs his phone and goes through his contacts. 

His thumb stays over one specific name. Should he? 

Before he knows, he has clicked on his name and waits for him to pick up. 

„Hello, this is Tom.“ 

Louis takes a deep breath. „Hi. Hi. Tom. Hi. This uh is Louis. I was just wondering if you might want to hang out and watch a movie together.“ 

Oh god, awkward. 

The line is dead for a second. And then. „Yeah. Sure. I’d love to. Should I come over?“ 

What? Okay. 

„Yeah!“, Louis almost shouts and covers his mouth with his hand. „Yeah. I’ll send you the address.“ 

„Okay, cool.“ 

„See you in a bit.“ 

They hang up and Louis’ heart speeds up so much he thinks it’s going to jump out of his chest and run away. 

He quickly sends him the message and then prepares some hot chocolate with marshmallows and places some chips and crackers on the table in the living room. 

And then he waits. 

Tom arrives exactly twenty minutes later, which is pretty fast, Louis has to admit and holds up a bunch of different DVDs and different biscuits. Louis’ face spreads into a smile and he lets him in. 

„Hey! So I didn’t know which movie you wanted to watch so I just brought ten different ones and a few snacks.“ 

„Sounds fantastic!“ 

They choose to watch Suicide Squad and cuddle into the blankets. 

It’s surprisingly comfortable around Tom. It’s not exciting or breathtaking or anything but it’s nice. He likes hanging out with him. He’s a nice lad and he’s attractive as well and he also has a sweet smile. 

And every time Louis makes a stupid comment, he laughs out loud, hands clapping and head thrown back and it’s just - nice. 

They watch three different movies until they eventually fall asleep on the couch. 

 

———————

„Yeah?“, Tom mumbles something under his breath and Louis rubs his eyes. 

There’s an arm wrapped around his torso and Louis can feel Tom behind him. Obviously him spooning him. 

What? 

Have they cuddled the entire night? Okay, strange, weird, awkward, stop. 

„Fuck. What time is it?“, he mumbles again and Louis realizes that he’s on the phone with someone. 

„Alright, Louis and I will be there in a bit. What? Yes, I’ll explain later. Harry stop bitching, we’ll be there on time!“ 

Louis pretends to have woken up just yet and turns around awkwardly. „Morning.“ 

„Hey.“, Tom smiles and clears his throat. „Um.. it’s one o’clock and Harry just called me. We were supposed to be at the gym half an hour ago. The game starts in an hour and everyone’s freaking out.“ 

„Fuck.“, Louis huffs and stretches himself. „How on earth did we sleep until one pm?“ 

„We stayed up pretty late.“ 

„True. Okay, I’ll make coffee and then we can go. Your stuff is in your locker, right?“ 

Tom nods. „Yeah, thank god. Harry sounded like he wanted to kill me.“ 

„Uh oh.“ 

Tom nods. He rubs his eyes and tries to make his hair look okay while Louis sits up and walks to the kitchen. He ignores the note from his mum and his weird feeling that she’s not home yet and prepares some coffee. 

He grabs two plastic cups, pours the coffee in it and then shouts at Tom to get up and follow him outside. 

„I’m here with my car, so I’ll drive.“, Tom explains earning a whistle from Louis. 

„Fancy. That’s very convenient.“ 

Tom giggles and they get inside the car, Louis trying to wake himself up by drinking the entire coffee. 

And thank god they pull up towards the parking lot fifteen minutes later and hurry inside the locker room. 

They get changed as quickly as possible and then rush inside the gym. 

„Boys! Where were you? And why do you look like you haven’t slept at all?“, Simon shouts and slaps both lightly on the head. „Are you even aware how important this game is? The people have already gathered and the opponent team is already here.“ 

„Sorry, Simon.“ 

„That’s all you have to say?“ 

Now Louis speaks up. „I was alone yesterday and asked him to come over. We watched movies and fell asleep. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.“ 

Simon looks him deep in the eye and if it was anyone else, Simon probably would’ve murdered them.

But it’s Louis. 

And Simon knows. Knows about the shit that’s been going on the past year, the anxiety he’s felt over losing his mum and the endless nights he spent at Zayn’s house when his mum felt too bad and had to go to the hospital. He knows about the times he started crying in school in front of everyone because he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He knows. 

So he lets it slip and waves them to the side to go and warm up. 

„Yo!“, Niall shouts at Louis and as he walks up to him, the irish lad grins. Oh no. „Did you fuck?“ 

Louis huffs and shakes his head. „Why? Jealous?“ 

„Not me, but maybe someone else.“, Niall says and begins to giggle. 

What? Confused he looks at the blonde boy and tries to make any sense of what he just said. 

„Forget it, loverboy. Go and warm yourself up. But maybe you’ve been doing that all night with Tom!“ 

„Shut up, Niall“, Louis just says and rolls his eyes. 

——————————

The game is only ten minutes more and it has been great so far. 

For some reason, sleep deprived grumpy Louis seems to play the best since he scored three goals and prevented two. 

He grins and gives Liam a high five as they all jog around to keep the game going for a few minutes more. 

And then finally the referee blows the final whistle and the crowd roars. Louis grins and jumps up and down as the entire team comes running towards the center, Louis included. 

They hug and yell and shout and Sam even takes off his shirt and throws it into the crowd. 

Louis laughs and wipes away some sweat when suddenly a hand places itself on his shoulder. 

He turns around. 

„Louis!“, Zayn shouts and smiles. „I’m so proud of you!“ 

Something’s up, Louis can tell immediately. He knows Zayn way to well. There’s this dangerous flicker in his eyes and Louis gets pale and stares at his best friend. 

„Tell me.“ 

Zayn has never been someone to lie to him or lead him on. That’s something he always loved about the raven haired boy. But now he wishes he would’ve lied. 

„Your mum is here.“ 

Fuck. 

No. 

His mum hasn’t been anywhere expect home and the hospital in nearly a year. 

If she’s here that must mean one thing. 

„Where?“ 

„She’s right at the entrance.“ 

He turns around and is face to face with Harry who only stares at him concerned but right now Louis has bigger problems. 

He starts running towards the entrance and even though there are tons of people around them, he spots his mum right away. 

She’s standing there in a big grey sweater and black leggins, looking skinny and pale and tired and almost dead and for a second Louis fears that his Mum already died and he sees only the ghost of her. 

But she smiles at him and there’s this glow in her eyes, that special shimmer and it makes him tear up because he always loved it when she smiled liked that. 

It’s the ‚I’m so fucking proud of you and I can’t believe you’re my son and I love you so much‘-smile. 

„Mum.“, Louis stutters once he’s finally close enough for her to hear him. 

She wipes away a tear and spreads her arms wide open. „I’m so proud of you, Louis William Tomlinson. I can’t believe what a great son I have.“ 

„You shouldn’t be here.“, Louis whispers into her shoulder because he doesn’t know what else to say. 

„I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. You looked so great! You are so talented. God, I’m so happy to be here and to have watched you play!“ 

„Mum..“ 

„Shh. Let’s not talk about that. I want you to know how much I love you and that you and your siblings are my entire world. If anything ever happens to you it would be the greatest pain I’ve ever experienced. Promise me that you take care of your family and of yourself and that you make the most of your life, okay?“ 

„Mum, I don’t wanna hear that, it sounds like..“ 

„Louis!“, she forces him to look her right in the eyes. Promise me!“ 

He bites his lip and lets out a shaky breath. „I promise.“ 

„I’m sorry for that embarrassing speech but I really needed to get this of my chest. You are so gifted, Louis. You have your entire life ahead of you. I know you can achieve amazing things. And no matter what you do you have to know that I support you and your decisions. Okay?“ 

He nods and wipes away a few tears. „Okay.“ 

„I’m so proud of you, my handsome boy!“ 

„I think you should go home now! Get some rest. You shouldn’t even be here in the first place.“ 

„Oh, shut it Louis. This experience was totally worth it.“ 

Louis bites his lip and notices Daniel in the back playing with his phone. 

„Hey, Dan.“, he greets him and waves at his Stepdad. 

He waves back. „Hey Louis, you alright?“ 

Louis can’t help but shake his head and let a few tears fall. He doesn’t want to cry, not in front of his mum but he can’t help it. 

She wraps a fragile arm around his torso and pulls him closer. 

„Johannah, sunshine, why don’t you go and wait for me outside? It’s a little calmer there.“, Daniel suggests and winks at her. 

„Aye Aye Captain.“, she answers and slowly turns around. Her movements are stiff and slow and Louis has to turn away because it hurts too much to see her like that. 

„Louis.“, Daniel begins but Louis shakes his head. 

„Don’t…“ 

„It was her last wish to see you. The Doctors… it’s about to happen.“ 

„I know.“, he manages to get out but it’s hard. 

„Just … I want you to move in with us. This is not a suggestion but a demand. Louis, I’m so worried about you. What you went through the past year… it’s horrible. Especially for a teenager like you.“ 

„I’m fine.“ 

„No, you’re not. Stop pretending. It’s me not some stupid stranger. I care about you and you’ll live with us so I can take care of you.“ 

„You have my six siblings, that’s enough already.“ 

„No, it’s not nearly enough without you with them. They miss you, too. Come here.“ 

Daniel suddenly wraps his arms around Louis’ shoulder and hugs him so tightly, it knocks the breath out of him. 

Daniel and him have never been close. He’s his mum’s husband. Always kind and sweet but simply no one he’d consider family. But maybe this would change one day. 

He lets himself fall against his shoulder and takes a deep breath but eventually he pulls away and wipes away his tears. 

„Thanks.“ 

„I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?“ 

„Mhmm.“, Louis hums and watches as he turns around and walks towards the parking lot. 

That’s when Louis falls apart. 

He runs towards the locker room and gets inside, locks the door behind him and sinks to the floor. 

The pain was there the entire time, slowly building up, but now it feels like it’s crashing on top of him. He can’t breathe, he can’t swallow, he can’t think. 

All he can feel is pain, pain, pain. 

His ears are ringing and he doesn’t even hear himself crying until there’s suddenly a loud bang on the door and Louis jumps up a little. 

„Louis. I know I’m probably the last person you want to see. But I can’t stand here outside and know that you’re breaking. Please let me inside.“ 

It’s Harry. It’s definitely his dark, husky voice coming from the other side. Louis would’ve recognized it everywhere. 

He contemplates for a minute wether to let him in or simply ignore him but as the shouting and the banging on the door frequently increase he eventually gives up and unlocks the door. 

Harry immediately steps inside and falls to the floor next to him. Big strong arms wrap around his body and pull him closer to Harry’s chest as he hugs him tightly and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

Louis can’t keep his tears in so he bursts out again. „My mum is going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it.“ 

„I know. I’m so sorry.“ 

„It hurts so much.“ 

The grip tightens and Harry pulls him even closer until he can hear Harry’s heart beat steadily in his chest and for some reason it’s calming Louis down a little. 

Harry clears his throat. „I have no idea how you must feel right now. I really don’t. But it must be the worst pain in the entire world. 

Just.. if I can tell you one thing… 

Life is not over. 

It probably feels like it is. You probably want it to be. But it is not over.“ 

Louis sniffs a little and cuddles himself more into Harry. The sobbing has stopped. 

„No matter what life throws at us I believe that everything happens for a reason. 

Yes, even your mum dying. I don’t know why she gets taken away from you, I can’t tell you what purpose it has, I can’t give you any comfort. 

Just know that sometimes life is incredibly hard and unfair and it’s a challenge we all have to get through. 

A lot of us fail.

But you are not a failure. You are strong and powerful and ambitious and smart and caring and brilliant and you will not fail. It will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to go through but one day after you’ve went to Hawaii and you fell in love and you fucked a stranger in a bar and got drunk and bought your own house and got an amazing job and get a cute dog you’ll look back at your life and think: 

Thank God I didn’t give up. Thank God I was strong enough to get through this. 

There will be so many moments where you’ll feel so happy, your heart feels like it wants to jump out of your chest and it will feel so right and in place, you’ll almost cry because you’re so happy. 

And I believe in you with my entire heart and I know that you will get through this. Okay?“ 

Louis only hums and wipes away a few tears. He feels so drained and tired and all he wants to do is sleep for the next 100 years. 

„What if I don’t want to get through this?“ 

„I don’t give a shit about what you want, Louis Tomlinson. 

You have beautiful siblings, amazing friends. So many people love and adore you. And they’d be heartbroken if you did something to yourself. If you gave up. 

If you don’t respect yourself enough to fight for yourself, then at least fight for the people you love. 

Fight for your Mum. She’d meet you in Heaven and shout at you for being so fucking dumb and she’d be so disappointed. That’s not what you want, right?“ 

Louis shakes his head. No. That’s definitely not what he wants. 

„Thanks Harry.“, he mumbles and closes his eyes. 

„Shhh. Don’t say anything else.“ 

Louis lays in Harry’s arms for two more hours until eventually he’s strong enough to get up and let Harry drive him home. 

—————————

Johannah Deakin dies two day after the game on a Monday morning in her own bed. 

Louis has stayed the entire weekend at Daniel’s house with his siblings because he didn’t dare to go home and see her one more time. 

He loves the last memory he has of her. How his mum held him and told him how proud she was. 

This is the memory he wants to keep for the rest of his live. Not his mum being in pain or laying in bed dead. 

So he lays in his bed in the little room Daniel has prepared for him the entire year but Louis never used and that’s where he stays for the next three months. 

He’s depressed. Not just a little but a lot. 

And even though he’s not going to hurt himself or anything thanks to Harry’s incredible inspiring speech that night in the locker room, he hates everything. He hates live, he hates himself, he hates the world. 

And he hates how fucking concerned everyone is about him. 

He doesn’t go to school for three entire months and even though Zayn stops by every day and tells him what fun stuff he’s missing, he just can’t seem to care. 

Lottie and Fizzy stay with him every night and just talk to him about their days. They don’t expect him to answer which is nice. All he has to do is listen to them ramble and tell stories about school and weird boys. 

He wishes he was as strong as them. But he’s broken. Utterly and entirely shattered.  
And even though he promised his mum to do something with his life and not let her down, he just can’t seem to get up. 

„Louis?“

A knock on the door. 

„Mhhm.“, he mumbles and puts the blanket on top of his head.

Daniel opens the door and enters the room and quietly sits down next to the grumpy boy. 

„Hey man. I need to talk to you.“ 

„Hm.“ 

„I know you’re going through a lot at the moment and I’m not pressuring you at all. But this can’t go on. You haven’t properly left your room in three months. I know you’d never do anything to yourself but I’m fucking worried about you, mate.“ 

Louis doesn’t say anything. 

He likes Daniel. He really does. And he wishes he wasn’t such a burden to him but he doesn’t have the willpower to change. He genuinely can’t. 

„I thought about this for a very long time. You have to go to school and at least finish your GCSE’s. With the three months you’ve missed of the school year, you could easily catch up. I’d help you and I’m sure your teachers would, too. I know you can do that. 

But if you feel like you’re not ready to do that, then I’ll have to talk to a doctor and maybe see if you could visit a clinic for mental health or something. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s something wrong with you. I just don’t have any experience and I’m scared that I’m doing everything wrong with you, that I’m only making things worse and maybe staying there and talking to a few people who truly understand you would help?“

Wow. Okay. What. 

„I don’t know.“, Daniel eventually says and runs a hand through his hair. 

Louis takes a deep breath but he can’t get any words out. He wants to but it’s as if tongue doesn’t work.

„Just think about it and talk to me when you feel ready.“ 

„Okay.“, Louis mumbles and that’s about the first thing he said in the past few weeks. 

Daniel’s head snaps up and he smiles softly at him. „Just so you know I really do want the best for you.“ 

Louis nods. „I know.“ 

„Okay.“, Daniel gets up and then takes the blanket and throws it over his body so that it will cover him completely. 

That’s something his mum used to do when he was little and this small gesture is so familiar, it brings tears to his eyes. 

„I just miss her.“ 

„I know. God, I know.“, Daniel says and sits back down. 

„I can’t imagine a life without her, you know?“ 

Daniel nods. „Yeah, seems impossible, I know.“ 

„How do you do it?“ 

„That probably seems heartless, but I force myself not to think about it and focus on really important stuff, for example the kids, you, work. I keep myself busy. But that also means that I can’t be alone for one second because I’d immediately break and then I’d never get up again. Similar to you.“ 

Louis nods. „Sounds legit.“ 

Daniel grins. „Yeah.“ 

„Sorry for being so depressed.“ 

„Don’t apologize. We’re all just worried about you, that’s all. And I really wish I could help you.“ 

Louis nods and rubs his eyes. „Don’t blame yourself.“ 

„Do you maybe want to come downstairs and help me make some food?“ 

Louis hesitates for a bit but eventually decides that yeah, maybe that’s a good idea. So he pushes the blanket away and slowly places his legs on the floor, then gets up and staggers a little. 

His circulatory is probably entirely fucked by now. 

Daniel grabs his arm and together they make their way downstairs. 

 

———————

He’s been a little better since talking to Daniel. It’s as if he had opened a new door for him which leads to the first step of recovery. 

Obviously, Louis still spends his days sleeping but once in a while, he’ll get downstairs and help him make food or go outside a little and get some fresh air. 

And every time Zayn comes over they walk to the little playground together, Zayn talking endlessly about Liam and how Liam finally asked him out and how nervous Zayn is. 

He’s so grateful to have that stupid guy. Zayn knows exactly what to say and how to react in every single situation when it comes to Louis and it’s just what he needs right now. Someone who’s there for him without expecting anything from him. 

It’s been like that for a week now when his sister suddenly enters the room. 

„Hey Tommo.“ 

„Hey.“ 

„I’m not sure in how far you’re back to your normal self but I wanted to show you something.“ 

„Shut up, Lottie.“, he snaps causing his little sister to grin. 

„That’s how I like it.“, she replies and sits down on the bed next to him with her laptop on her lap. 

„I’ve really been into Youtube lately. I mostly watch makeup stuff and girls dressing nicely but Youtube has a variety of things and I wanted to show you one video of a Youtuber Danielle Cambpell. Her sister passed away last year and she made a video dedicated to her.“ 

 

Lottie shoves the laptop into his face and then gets up and walks towards the door. „I’ll come back once you’re finished, okay?“ 

Louis nods and clicks play. 

There’s a pretty brunette on the display in a grey sweater sitting in front of a white wall and the title says ‚Everything I never told you‘. 

„Hey everyone, this is Danielle. 

Today I wanted to post a slightly different video for you because it’s my sisters birthday today. She would turn 22. 

Some of you already know that my sister passed away one year ago and I had a very hard time dealing with this but I feel like I’m ready to talk about it and get a few things of my chest.“

She has a lovely voice, very american, but still nice. As she pulls a hair strand behind her ear, she begins to list a few things. 

„First of all I hated your boyfriend Derek. He was a dick. 

Second, I always stole your Mac Lipstick. Always. That’s why it was empty so soon. 

Then I cried three days straight when you left for uni because I didn’t know how to handle being alone at home. 

I never told you but I always loved the way you smelled. 

In History, Mr. Jackman once talked shit about you and I was so mad I almost punched him. 

In second grade all I wanted to do was play with you and your friends because I didn’t have any but you never let me and I still haven’t really forgiven you.“ 

The list goes on and on for about ten minutes until she finally takes a deep breath and blinks away a few tears. 

„And last but not least I never told you how much I looked up to you. I always wanted to be you, look like you, have your friends and your laugh but I was never you and I’ll never be you. And even though I wish you were still here, I hope that wherever you are now is a better place and that you’re happy.“ 

The screen turns to black and in white letters there are the words „RIP Hannah 20.07.2015“ written and Louis tries to swallow the gut in his throat but it’s useless. 

He stares at the black screen for a very long time nothing and everything running through his head and he takes a few deep breaths trying to wrap around his head what she had said. 

She’s inspiring. He really hopes that she knows that and that this video was beautifully made. He sits up straighter and runs a hand through his hair as Lottie enters the room quietly and sits down next to him. 

„What do you think?“ 

„It was beautiful.“, Louis says and avoids her staring gaze. He can’t bear to look into her face right now. 

„Look how many views it has. 9 Million. Crazy, right? Well, she was famous before but this video made her gain 2 Million followers in under a week.“ 

„That’s crazy.“ 

„You know..“, Lottie begins and Louis raises his eyebrow. 

„What.“ 

„It’s just a suggestion. But you could make a video yourself. For mum. She’d love that. And then you could upload it. Not to get 2 Million views but just for yourself to lock it up and be better with it. Tell her everything you wanted to say. Film it, put it on Youtube. Maybe it’ll help.“ 

Louis hums but he’s not too sure. Putting something this personal on Youtube? For everyone to see and judge? That’s scary. He’s not that brave. It’s bad enough that his entire school knows about his problems by now, but the entire world? No, thanks. 

„You can also put in on private, you know?“ 

Louis hums again. „I’ll think about it. But thanks. I love you.“ 

„I love you too. I’m only trying to help.“ 

„I know that, Lottie. I really do. And now do your presentation, I’m dying to hear it.“ 

„Yeah sure, because you desperately want to hear about DNA and Chromosomes.“ 

„When it comes from you, then yes.“ 

„Shut up.“, she giggles and grabs her laptop. 

As she walks towards the door, she sticks out her tongue and Louis winks at her. 

His family truly is something. 

——————

Why is he doing this again? This is ridiculous. He should stop. This is embarrassing. 

God. 

He’s sitting in his room, facing the window. Daniel’s super expensive camera in front of him. 

Louis knows the only reason Daniel gave it to him was because he felt so happy for Louis showing a sign of life.

He’s about to do this. He really is. 

He presses play. 

„Hey. Hi. This is Louis Tomlinson. You don’t know me and that’s okay because I’m making this video for someone very special. 

Um. 

My mum passed away a few months ago and it really destroyed me as dumb as that might sound. I’m still doing really badly. 

And my little sister had this idea that I should just talk about it to a camera and get it all of my chest. 

So this is what I’m going to do. 

My mum had me when she was seventeen. She was young and scared and incredibly brave. She decided to keep me and love me and care about me like no mother on this planet and I am so grateful for that. 

Mum, I know we had our ups and downs and I know I wasn’t always easy to handle and I’m sorry. But I think we were a great team, you and I. Fighting Dad together, getting you through two divorces. It was tough but I think we did it well, what do you think?“ 

He licks his lips and stares out of the window.

„Life is scary without you. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not going to school at the moment, because I can’t get up in the morning. I don’t eat properly and I don’t talk. I mean, I want to but it’s just too hard. I can’t force myself to do anything. 

I’m sorry, I’m probably letting you down. You probably look down on me and think: Jesus, what failure did I raise? 

Or maybe not. I don’t know.“  
He looks down and stares at his hands. He’s shaking. 

„I just need you. That’s all I know. And I really hope that one day I won’t miss you this much and the hole in my chest will finally close and I’ll finally be able to go outside without seeing you everywhere. 

But at the moment I can’t. At the moment, all I wanna do is sleep. 

And I know I should fight for you, because you always taught me to not give up. To get back up once life gets tough. I promised you that I would not give up. I know that. 

But I didn’t think it would be this hard. I can’t put it into words. I was prepared. I knew you were going to die. But still. It knocked me over and I can’t get up.“

He takes a shaky breath and looks away from the camera. This is a lot harder then he thought it would be. He didn’t think that talking to a stupid camera would feel this private and intimate. It’s strange. 

„The best memory I have of you was when I was five and you finally divorced from Dad. And you said: Let’s go on an adventure. And we went to Ibiza together for two weeks and we were so happy. Just you and me. We went to the beach every day. We ate loads of ice cream. It’s one of my happiest memories. With you. 

And it terrifies me that I have my entire life ahead of me without you by my side. It really scares the shit out of me. 

But now that I’ve gotten this all of my chest, maybe it’s time to start living again. I mean, I promised you after all, right? 

But damn, I’m broken. I feel broken. And I’ll need a lot of time to heal again. So… I guess, let’s start now?“ 

He waves into the camera awkwardly and unsure of himself and then turns it off. After taking a deep breath he falls onto his bed and stares at the ceiling. This actually did feel quite good. Not world changing but he feels a little lighter. As if talking about it did make it a little more bearable. 

For a few seconds, he contemplates what to do. Should he go downstairs? Or watch a movie? 

He rolls over, grabs his phone and scrolls through his contacts. His thumb stays over his best friend’s name and without thinking about it he calls him. 

Zayn picks up the phone after two seconds. 

„Zayn?“, Louis asks confused. 

„Louis!“, Zayn shouts sounding startled and worried. His voice is slightly louder than usual. 

„Can you come over?“ 

„I’ll be there in five minutes.“, he says and Louis can hear him ruffle around in the background. 

Louis laughs. „Don’t stress yourself.“ 

„No, I’m on my way.“ 

„Okay.“ 

They hang up and Louis sighs. Man. He didn’t really notice how everyone around him is so freaking worried about him.

All he did was sleep, so he didn’t notice much but Zayn showing up five minutes after Louis has begged him to come? 

Zayn would usually take five hours. And now only five minutes. 

He shakes his head and curls himself up in a ball. 

And Zayn didn’t lie. Five minutes later he knocks on the door and pops his head inside. 

„Hey.“, Louis greets him and sits up. 

„Hey, what’s up?“ 

„I made a video. It’s really embarrassing but I want you to watch it. But I have to leave the room, it’s too weird. Here.“ 

He gives him the camera and tells Zayn to shout once the video is over and then gets up and leaves the room. 

Zayn should see this video. Louis wants him to know what’s going on inside his head and what he’s been dealing with lately. 

All Zayn wants is to help him but he never could because Louis didn’t let him and now he’s finally ready to open up. 

Louis impatiently walks up and down in front of his door, waiting for Zayn to shout that he’s finished. 

Ten minutes later, Zayn eventually does and tells Louis to come back inside so Louis slowly opens the door and walks towards the bed, falls down next to him and stares at his hands. 

„That is a beautiful video, Louis.“, Zayn whispers and grabs his hand, holds it tight. „I’m very proud of you for doing that.“ 

„Thanks. It feels weird.“ 

„It’s not though. It might feel weird but you were so honest. Just yourself. Authentic. I love that. It’s so good to see you like this.“ 

Louis forces himself to smile and nods. 

„Do you want to upload it?“ 

He shakes his head. „Nah. It’s very private. It would be weird if the world saw it.“ 

„I think it would be fantastic if the world saw it.“ 

„Really?“

Zayn nods. „Yeah. Just think about it.“ 

„Okay.“ 

„Guess what?“, Zayn says timidly and blushes. 

„What?“ 

„I was with Liam when you called. We are dating now.“ 

„Oh my God!“, Louis shrieks and wraps his arms around his body. „What? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve called later!“ 

„Louis, you could call me during Sex and I would stop and come. You could call me whilst being on an airplane and I would jump down and run to you. Just call me and I’ll be there.“ 

„Oh, please. Not the Jackson Five.“ 

Zayn bursts out laughing. „I missed your humor so much.“ 

—————————

„Okay, Louis. Please don’t hate me.“ 

„What?“, Louis looks up confused at his best friend. 

„I’m sorry. But I had to do it.“ 

„What? Zayn, tell me!“ 

„I actually only did it so Daniel and your grandparents and Lottie could see it.“ 

„ZAYN!“ 

„I uploaded your video.“ 

The entire room is quiet as Louis stares at Zayn and blinks. They’re sitting in Zayn’s bedroom, because Louis got sick of seeing his own four walls and while Zayn is painting a few pictures Louis watches How I met your Mother on Zayn’s laptop. It was quiet before Zayn spoke up but now it’s dead QUIET.

„You did what?“ 

„I know, I shouldn’t have done it and I’m a horrible person and I’m so sorry. I just wanted to do your family a favor. I sent them the link and only them.“ 

„And?“, Louis asks still not fully understanding what this means. 

„I don’t know how it happened but the video has now over 1 million views.“ 

Louis tears his eyes open. „WHAT?“ 

„I know, it’s crazy.“ 

„Show me.“ 

So Zayn gets up and sits down next to Louis. He grabs the laptop and googles Youtube and Louis can see that his hands are shaking. He then searches for Louis’ video and there it is. Just Louis with dark circles under his eyes and his messy fringe in a grey sweater. 

Zayn called the video „Dear Mum.“ and Louis smiles. That’s what he would’ve called it too. 

And he’s right. The video has over 1,1 Million views and 400.000 comments. 

„What the fuck?“ 

„I know. But Louis, before you get mad please read through the comment section and then we can talk.“ 

Louis takes the laptop away from him and gives him an annoyed expression but does as he’s told and scrolls down. 

Rexi11:  
That was the most beautiful video I’ve ever seen. I felt every minute. Crying so much

Lana1234:  
My Dad passed away yesterday and this hit me right in the heart. You said just what goes through my mind. My prayers go out to you. 

Luke78:  
So sorry mate. Life gets better. Stay strong. 

JennyLou:  
Wow, that was amazing. I love your voice and the way you talk. I’m so emotional right now. No one should experience what you’re going through atm. Really hope that you find the strength to pull through. You inspire me. 

EricGhn:  
I think you should post more videos like this. It’s really helpful. I can relate so much. My brother passed away two years ago and I’m still struggling. Maybe you could post videos about your process or something? I’d love to see that. 

 

„Wow.“, Louis mumbles with a shaky voice. 

He can’t believe how many people felt inspired by this video. It was just meant for him and his own misery, not for the entire world to watch but they all seem to relate and understand what he’s saying. 

„Louis, they love what you did. There are tons of comments like ‚I can relate‘ and ‚Everything you say is what I feel‘! I think you should continue!“ 

„I don’t know… Zayn, what am I supposed to talk about? Oh, my life is shit, let’s celebrate?“ 

„No. You talk about how you feel.“ 

Louis shrugs and takes a deep breath. „I … think about it. I don’t know what to do. This is just crazy.“ 

„It is.“ 

„But if I truly do post more videos then we’ll have to change the username. LetsmakeloveDrake? Really?“ 

Zayn bursts out laughing and claps a hand over his stomach. „Sorry. Yeah let’s change it right now.“ 

„Hmm. What should we pick?“, Louis asks and stares at Zayn. Zayn has always been the creative one out of the two of them.

Zayn grins. „TheTommo.“ 

———————

„Hey everyone, it’s Louis here. Um, just thought I’d update you that today is my first day of going back to school after four months. I have no idea how I’m supposed to catch up but yeah. I hope everything’s going well today.“ 

Louis just hops inside the bus, holding Daniel’s camera up high and filming himself while he sits down. 

„I feel weird going back to school after such a long ‚break‘. Well, not for them, but for me. But I do want to get back on track. I have to. I need to finish school and I definitely don’t want to miss a year so… Yeah.“ 

He closes the camera and stuffs it carefully inside his bag while he’s looking outside the window. 

He’s been talking to Daniel for ages about this the past week. They were trying to figure out how he could manage to catch up on school, they called his teachers and his principle and they all seemed very optimistic but Louis is unsure. 

His tummy feels weird and his entire chest feels tight as the bus drives closer and closer to his school and he knows it’ll be a few more minutes. Then he’s there. 

The bus stops and Louis unwillingly gets up, holds his back tight and jumps off the bus. 

Just as he looks up, Zayn stays there, smoking a cigarette and waving at him with a soft smile and Louis once again can’t believe how lucky he is to have a friend like this. 

He gets out his camera and films Zayn just standing there smoking and then puts it away again and walks towards him. 

„Is that a camera I see in your hand?“, Zayn smirks and gives him a quick hug. 

„Noooo.“ 

„I thought you didn’t want to continue?“ 

„I don’t. I’m just making some material in case I change my mind.“ 

Zayn barks out a laugh and grabs his arm. „You dork. Ready for school?“ 

„No.“, Louis sighs but follows him anyway. „It’s gonna be so weird.“ 

„No, it’s not. Everyone’s looking forward to see you again.“ 

Louis only hums and pushes the door open. It feels so different to enter the hallway than it did four months ago. It feels like a lifetime. 

But he takes one foot in front of the other and takes a deep breath. He can do this. 

„Is my locker still the same?“ 

„Of course it is! Hey, can I borrow your camera real quick?“ 

Louis frowns. „Why?“ 

„I just want to take a photo with my best friend.“ 

Louis laughs and gets the camera out. „Alright.“ 

They snap a photo and grin into the camera. Louis then turns around and makes his way towards his locker, busy searching his sketchbook to find the correct code since he forgot it but as soon as he looks up he can’t believe his eyes. 

His entire year has gathered around his locker, Perrie and Eleanor in the front with a huge cake. They decorated his locker with pictures and quotes and sticky notes and glitter and a few guys even hold some sparklers in their hands. 

Louis tries to swallow the lump in his throat but he tears up anyway and turns around. 

Zayn’s holding the camera filming him and smiling. „I told them it was over the top and they should just leave you alone but they insisted.“ 

Louis smiles at him and then faces his classmates and begins to laugh. „You guys are crazy.“ 

„Good to have you back, man!“, Troye shouts and throws an arm around him. 

And that kind of breaks the ice. All of them come towards him and start hugging him. They tell him how happy they are that he’s back and that they’ll help him with school and so on and even though he knows that most of it isn’t genuine since he’s never spoken to half of those people before he’s still happy that his first day of school wasn’t lonely and cold and awkward but warm and welcomed and loved. 

The bell rings and everyone slowly heads towards their classrooms expect Zayn, Perrie and Eleanor who still hold the cake. Zayn then stops the Camera and puts it inside Louis’ back. 

„Good first day?“, he asks and Louis grins. 

„Yeah. Thanks, guys!“ 

„We really missed you, Louis!“, Perrie says and hugs him tightly. Her hair is different than how he remembered it. It’s now purple and a little silverish but it’s cute, it suits her. „I hope you’re alright. We didn’t really know wether to contact you or just let you be since we knew how much you were struggling.“ 

„Yeah, I needed some space. It was tough. Still is. But life’s not stopping for anybody right?“ 

They nod and Eleanor gives him a quick kiss on his cheek. „I have to go to Maths, the teachers are understanding today, but still. Mrs Higgs is no fun.“ 

So she gives Zayn the cake and then hurries towards the classroom on the left. 

They all make their way towards history, since they have it together and Zayn opens the door. 

Mr. Clark’s face spreads into a smile when he sees Louis. „Good to see you, Louis. Good to see you.“ 

He nods and smiles back at him and plops down into his usual chair next to Perrie and Zayn and takes a deep breath. He can do this. 

 

———————

„Today is mental.“, Louis states as they enter the cafeteria. „Absolutely mental.“ 

Zayn laughs and rubs a hand over his arm. „I’m sorry. I know you hate this kind of attention.“ 

„It’s just. I didn’t know how many people had the motivation to pretend to care. That’s stunning.“ 

Zayn rolls his eyes and nudges him. „Stop being so pessimistic. They do care about you. Just because they don’t talk to you every day doesn’t mean you don’t matter to them.“ 

Louis hums but doesn’t say anything and just sits down on their spot close to the windows, the cake in front of them. 

Zayn gets out the camera and starts to film. „So, Louis. How was your first day?“ 

„Well, it’s not over yet!“, Louis states causing an eye roll from Zayn. He continues in a softer voice. „It was crazy. I didn’t know how many people cared. So many came up to me saying how glad they are that I’m back. It really touched me.“ 

Zayn smiles. „And how does it feel to be back?“ 

„Hard to describe. It’s scary because everyone knows what I’ve been through the past few months and it’s as if I have no privacy at all. But at the same time it’s nice because everyone’s so lovely and open. It’s as if they are braver to talk to me than before now that they know they can talk to me. You know? Does that make sense?“ 

Zayn hums. „I think you’re doing really well.“ 

„Thanks. It’s better than I expected.“ 

Zayn closes the camera and gives it back to Louis just as three figures sit down next to them. 

„Umm.“ 

„Good to see you, Louis.“, Niall shouts and throws his arms around him. 

Louis raises his eyebrows surprised and uncertainly hugs him back. „Good to see you too?“ 

Liam grins and claps a hand on his back. „It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Man, man, man.“ 

Is this a joke or are they serious? 

Liam sits down next to Zayn and kisses his cheek quickly, causing Zayn to blush. 

Louis smiles at them and winks at Zayn. 

„Louis.“, a deep husky voice says and Louis turns around. 

Next to him is Harry, looking as handsome as ever if not even more handsome than he has ever been and Louis thinks he’s forgotten how to breathe. The pure sight of this gorgeous man knocks the breath out his lungs. 

His green eyes stare right into his soul and Louis can’t help but stare right back. Have his eyelashes always been so dark and have his lips always been so puffy? Jesus help him. 

And without him even realizing what’s going on, Harry leans forward and wraps his strong arms around him. 

Louis closes his eyes and buries his face in Harry’s neck, breathing in his scent. He smells like vanilla and mint and it’s breathtaking. 

„I hope you’re alright.“, he whispers into his ear just for Louis to hear and Louis swears he melts right here on the spot. 

He eventually pulls back and takes a deep breath and smiles at all of them. „So, did you miss picking on me or why are you here?“ 

Niall barks out a laugh and claps his back. „Nah, mate. We actually wanted a piece of your cake.“ 

Louis grins and shifts it towards him. „Go for it.“ 

Niall immediately begins to cut the beautifully made cake and gives Louis a piece, then himself and then the others. 

„So, tell me. What did I miss?“ 

„ALOT!“, Niall shouts with the entire cake in his mouth and they all cringe funnily. 

„Niall, first eat, then talk.“, Liam orders, causing Zayn to grin at him. 

„Okay, so. Nick left the school because his grades were too bad.“ 

Louis tears his eyes open. „What? And you didn’t tell me?“ 

Zayn gives him a look that says „Really, bitch?“ and shakes his head. „Louis, you weren’t really in the state for school gossip.“ 

Louis shrugs. He’s probably right. „Okay, go on.“ 

„Mr. Phillips left the school because I don’t know why. Umm…“ Niall blushes suddenly and shies away. „I’m dating Barbara now.“ 

„Oh, gratulations. Good for you, she’s a stunner.“, Louis says and gives him a high five. 

Niall smiles and blushes even harder which causes Louis to coo. 

„Shut up you wanker. And Harry broke up with Taylor.“ 

Oh. 

OH. 

What? 

„Oh.“, Louis simply says. „Sorry about that.“ 

He looks at Harry and watches him eat his peace of cake but Harry only shrugs and runs a hand through his curls. 

„Nah. Wasn’t happy with her.“, Harry says without looking at him and takes another bite. „And you? How’s Tom?“ 

Louis frowns and watches him confused. „Tom? I don’t know? Why would I know?“ 

„Aren’t you dating?“ 

Louis turns his head to look at Zayn but Zayn looks just as confused as him and shrugs his shoulders. 

„No? Why do you think that?“ 

„Because you were extremely close during practice all the time. I just assumed that…“ 

„God, Harry, you really need to stop assuming, I haven’t spoken to him in four months.“ 

Harry frowns a little and tilts his head. Then, as if suddenly the lights went on inside his head, his mouth shapes into a little O and he nods. 

Louis shakes his head grinning. This guy, really. 

„Can’t believe you’ll graduate in less than two months.“, Louis sighs and takes another bite of his cake. 

„Yeah, it’s crazy. Who is going to annoy you on a daily basis then?“, Niall answers and Zayn chuckles. 

„Thank God that will stop.“, Louis mutters but if he’s being honest he will miss them. As much as he hated the time when they constantly picked on him and joked about him the hallways will probably be empty without them and school will feel a lot less entertaining. Especially when Harry’s not around. 

Harry only hums but doesn’t say anything. And Louis kind of wishes he was brave enough to just do it. Say it. Right here and now. 

Tell him he thinks he’s the most wonderful human being and that he loves his curls and that he wants to taste how his lips feel and that he thinks his style is amazing and everything about him is just lovely. Louis really wants to tell him. 

He almost opens his mouth. 

But then the bell rings and he groans. Damn it. They all get up and Harry turns around without even looking at Louis one more time and walks away. 

 

———————

Louis sits in the kitchen with a cup of tea and his laptop in front of him editing the little bits and peaces that Zayn and he had filmed today in school. 

He hasn’t decided wether to upload them or not but he has nothing better to do and he doesn’t want to do his homework. Therefore he has made himself comfortable in the kitchen whilst listening to Bastille and editing a little. 

„Louis. You here? That’s new.“, Fizzy says as she, Daniel and Phoebe and Daisy enter the kitchen. They’ve been grocery shopping and all have huge bags full of food in their hands and place them on the counter. 

„Shut up, Fizzy!“, Louis mumbles and ignores her sticking out her tongue. 

„How was your first day of school?“, Daniel asks and begins to put the food away. His cheeks are a little red and he looks stressed (probably from shouting after Phoebe and Daisy in the supermarket) but his voice is steady and genuine. 

Therefore, Louis turns the laptop around and points towards the display. „I filmed it. Do you wanna see it?“ 

He nods. „Yeah, definitely. But first, Phoebe, Daisy, Fizzy, go to the living room, watch Hannah Montana. It starts in ten minutes. I’ll bring you some snacks.“ 

Louis grins and tries to hide his amusement. Daniel is great, trying to hold them all together and giving his best but hearing a middle aged man talking about Hannah Montana? That’s too much. 

Once the kitchen is empty and quiet, Daniel slumps down onto the chair and grunts. 

„Rough day?“, Louis asks, 

„I love the girls, I really do, but jesus, they can be a pain in the ass.“, he admits and runs a hand through his hair. 

Louis nods. „Definitely. If you want I can take over sometime.“ 

Daniel looks at him surprised. „Really?“ 

„Yeah. I mean. I’ve known them their entire life and I know a few tricks on how to handle them. If you ever need some time alone or anything, just ask.“ 

He nods and smiles at him. „Thanks. Now let me watch this video.“ 

Louis grins and clicks play. 

As a Remix of G-Eazy plays in the background, there’s Louis talking in the bus, then there’s Zayn smoking. The display fades to the scene in front of his locker where everyone has gathered around. 

Then there’s Zayn in class, drawing and not paying attention to anything. 

Perrie, Eleanor and him in Music sticking their tongues out. 

Louis talking to Zayn in the Cafeteria about him feeling strange being back in school. 

And eventually Harry hugging Louis as if his life depended on it. This is his favorite moment. He can see how Harry scrunches up his face and buries his nose in Louis’ neck and that image is quite something. 

He’s so thankful that Zayn captured the moment. 

And then there’s Louis, again in the Bus on his way home, talking about everything that happened today and how it feels terrible to come home to an empty house and not to his mum waiting for him with Apple crumble. He talks about how he’s feeling sad and lonely and how he wishes he could tell his mum about today but he can’t so instead he talks to his camera. 

The Louis on the screen waves into the camera and says goodbye and the Display fades to black, leaving Daniel and Louis in a peaceful Silence. 

Daniel eventually speaks up after a few more minutes. „That was beautiful to watch. I’m glad you had such a good first day and it’s nice to hear what’s going on inside your head instead of just guessing.“ 

Louis nods. „I know. I just feel more comfortable talking to a camera and showing to you instead of actually telling you. Does that make sense?“ 

„Yeah, yeah. It definitely does. Are you going to upload this? After your first video has been so successful?“ 

Louis shrugs. „I don’t know. I still can’t believe how many people watched depressive me talking about mum and found that inspiring.“ 

„Because you’re being yourself. You’re not fake. And a lot of people have lost a loved one. I think they can identify with you.“ 

„Do you think I should do it?“ 

„Upload the video? Yeah, definitely. You have talent in capturing the small moments and make it look like it’s real and not rehearsed. And it’s something that gets you going. Instead of just sitting in your room doing nothing you can film and edit and stuff. It distracts you.“ 

Louis hums. Yeah. Sounds logical. 

So without thinking about it any further, he opens Youtube, clicks on his channel and uploads the video. He calls it ‚First day of School - Vlog‘ 

„Done.“, Louis says and takes a deep breath. 

Daniel smiles and pads him on the back. 

——————

„Hey Louis, I saw your video yesterday. Was great, man.“, Patrick says and gives him a thumbs up as Louis walks towards his locker. 

He frowns a little, caught by surprise but then smiles back at him. „Thanks.“ 

Louis doesn’t even know that guy. He’s a year above him and they once met by accident in detention but that’s about it. 

Louis hasn’t checked how many clicks his video has by now but he’s not sure he really wants to know. 

His last video was only massive because he talked about something relevant. This video is just him walking through school, talking about his shitty life and hugging people. 

But curiosity has gotten the best of him so he carefully takes out his phone and tries to be as subtle as possible in case teachers walk past him and opens his Youtube page. 

Then he clicks on the video. 

270,000 Clicks and 5000 comments. 

Crazy. 

What? 

How? 

Louis shakes his head in utter disbelief. How is it possible that so many people seem to care about what he has to say? 

He quickly scrolls down to read the comments. 

Renii19:  
„That was such a beautiful video! It was so authentic and real and when you talked about coming home and your mum not being there I nearly cried. Could relate so much.“ 

Loloku:  
„Was wondering what happened to you after you made your first video! Good to see you back on track and going to school again. Best of luck!“ 

KaleenSmith:  
„Ahhh, please keep posting videos! I love listening to you, it’s just so inspiring and relatable. You are so brave! That was such a great video!“ 

Louis can’t help the smile that’s creeping on his face and bites down onto his lip. 

Maybe he should keep this thing up and see where it goes. 

 

——————————

It’s been a month of school for Louis and until now he’s been able to catch up with the school work and if he’s being honest - he feels a lot better since he actually goes to school and doesn’t stay in bed the whole day. 

His mood has increased each and every day and even though it’s still a struggle, something he fights against every single day he has become a lot better. 

In his free time he hangs out with Zayn and Liam a lot and doing schoolwork but most importantly: he’s been filming so much it’s crazy. 

It has become his new passion, something that fills the hole inside his heart, keeps him busy and gives him so much joy. 

And for some strange reason he’s also very successful. 

Louis doesn’t really understand how he gained 457 thousand followers within a month just by uploading a video every single day but he guesses the people just love the way he edits and talks. 

And his ideas have gotten a lot more interesting as well. 

He uploaded a video of his little sisters Phoebe and Daisy and him baking something and even though he failed miserably all his female viewers found his twin sisters utterly adorable. 

Then he uploaded a video of Lottie doing his makeup and he looked like a fancy dragqueen afterwards. He had never looked so good and on top that video actually got over 1,2 Million Clicks just because they did what everyone else did. 

As part 2 he asked Fizzy to wax his legs and film it. People found his reaction hilarious and Louis had so much fun reading their comments. 

He’s sitting under a tree during his free period and doodles ideas onto his sketchbook for his new videos. 

He has already edited the ones for today and tomorrow and can’t wait to upload them but he likes to keep himself busy and occupied with something, therefore he writes down tons of ideas he could film. 

Suddenly, someone falls onto the ground next to him and nudges Louis’ small shoulder with their own. 

„Hey.“

Louis looks up. And of course. 

It’s Harry. 

„Hi.“, Louis answers and closes his sketchbook. He still feels weird when people from his school talk about his youtube channel. 

„What’re doing sitting here all alone by yourself?“ 

Louis huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. „I’m not alone. I’ve got myself and my ideas. It’s good company.“ 

Harry smiles at him and nods. „Okay. Is that so?“ 

„Of course it is. You wouldn’t know though because you never really gave me a chance.“ 

Oops. Fuck. Did he really just say that? 

Oh my God. 

Louis panics and thinks about jumping up and running for the hills but honestly? That would probably make it even worse than it already is so he stays where he is and opens the Sketchbook again. 

New Idea: My most embarrassing moments - Story time 

Harry’s quiet for a moment and looks at him intensively until he finally speaks up again. 

„Maybe I should do that from now on, then, huh?“ 

Louis takes a deep breath, still avoiding his gaze and staring at his sketchbook. „I can’t tell you what to you, Harold. Only you can do that.“ 

Harry barks out a loud laugh and throws his head back. „You’re funny, Louis. I’m glad you’re doing better. - You are doing better, right?“ 

Now Louis does look up at him and stares into beautiful green eyes. He nods. „Yeah. I guess.“ 

Harry smiles. „If you ever need anything… you know.“ 

„Yeah. I know.“ 

And he does know. 

—————————

„You’re a fucking retard, Niall!“, Louis shouts as he grips the wheel tighter and crashes into Niall’s car as a revenge to Niall’s punch before. 

„Oi, Louis, piss off.“, Niall screams and Louis laughs out loud. 

Niall desperately wanted to be in a video with him and at first Louis was really annoyed and thought he only wanted to do it for attention since Niall never wanted to hang out with him before. 

But Liam told him later that Niall wanted to make sure Louis was alright and the only way he could think of checking in on Louis was by asking to be in one of Louis’ videos. 

And he knows Niall very well by now. Niall is just useless when it comes to Sympathy and such. Therefore, Louis agreed on making a video with Niall. 

So Niall drove them to a place an hour away where they could battle against each other in GoCar and film each other beating their asses. Louis has been fantastic at GoCar when he was younger which is the reason why he’s extremely ambitious when it comes to winning. 

But so is Niall. 

Therefore, they’ve been crashing each other’s car for five rounds now, none of them wanting to give in. 

They’ve both attached GoPros to their heads so that they would have enough material for the video later and Louis already knows that his male viewers will absolutely love this. 

Seconds before they reach the finish line which will tell them (finally) who the winner is, both of their cars stop right in the middle of the track - just like that. 

Louis, completely confused, stares at his wheel and tries to get his Car to start again but just like Niall’s car - it’s not working. 

The cars are dead. 

„Ehhh… Louis?“ 

„Yeah?“ 

„What’s up with the cars?“ 

„I don’t know man, it just stopped.“ 

Suddenly, there’s an employee hurriying towards them with a huge red flag shouting at them. 

 

„What is he sayin’?“, Niall shouts but Louis doesn’t know either. The guy is too far away. 

Once he’s finally close enough, he leans down and gasps: „Don’t have paid enough money. The cars only work for a certain amount of time. You need to leave the track right now. Dangerous.“ 

 

Just before Niall and Louis burst out into hysterical laughter they share a look that says ‚What the Fuck?‘ 

And then they can’t be stopped. 

They laugh for five minutes straight, gasping for air but not being able to breathe since they’re laughing so hard. Niall wipes away tears every few seconds and his face starts to get red as Louis desperately clutches onto his stomach because it’s already hurting so much from laughing. 

„Sir, you need to leave the track. It’s dangerous and we can’t begin the next round as long as you’re on the track.“ 

They get outside the little cars, still laughing and holding onto each other since the whole thing is just surreal and make their way back inside so they can change into their clothes and get rid of the safety uniforms. 

„That’s crazy! I was so close to beating you and then that fucking car stopped!“, Louis shouts and wipes away some tears of laughter. 

Niall shakes his head. „No way man. I was going to win all the way! If the cars hadn’t stopped I would’ve been the winner.“ 

 

„Keep dreaming, you dickhead.“ 

 

———————

Because Niall likes to eat his entire bodyweight, Louis was forced to stop at Nando’s and get something to eat with him but Louis doesn’t really mind since he’s hungry himself and places the camera on the table next to them, filming the two boys. It’s just a habit in case something funny happens. 

As they wait for the food, Niall clears his throat. He looks like he wants to say something so Louis waits a little for Niall to speak up but nothing happens. 

„Yeah?“, Louis tries to encourage him and nods at the blonde lad. 

„It was nice seeing you this happy today.“

Louis bites his lip and nods. „Yeah. Felt nice too.“ 

„You know, we didn’t really understand what was going on. You’ve been acting strange the entire school year and we noticed but we never knew why and then there was this thing with your sister and Coach Cowell and we kind of realized that something terrible went on but we didn’t know. 

And after the game.. you know.. Zayn finally told us and man we all felt like shit.“  
Louis watches him with full concentration, scared he might miss something, since this moment is very special. 

The way Niall talks, so soft and careful, touches him right in the heart. He never expected someone as carefree and funny as Niall talk this serious and concerned. 

„And then after that you didn’t go to school. You don’t even know what went through Harry’s, Liam’s and my mind after that. And the others too, of course. We thought you had killed yourself or something. I would’ve. I think.“

Niall takes a sip of his coke and clears his throat. 

„We sent Liam to ask Zayn about you. And Zayn told us only the most important stuff. You’re still alive. You’re doing really badly. You’re not gonna give up. You’re going through a horrible phase.

We asked him every day because we were scared that something might happen to you. 

And honestly? I still am. 

I was so shocked when I first saw you again after four months. Louis, you’ve gotten tiny. So so skinny. I don’t know if you realized but shit.“ 

„That’s why we’re here, right?“, Louis asks softly and tilts his head. „Because you’re still scared about me.“ 

„Yeah!“, Niall exclaims with a passion Louis has never seen on him before. „Yeah.“ 

Louis nods. „Thanks Niall. That means a lot.“ 

„No. It’s just. I feel worried. I don’t want to worry about you because you’re Louis. Funny, smurf Louis. You’re not broken or skinny or sad. That’s not like you.“ 

Louis nods. „No. That’s not me.“ 

„I just want you to promise to get better.“ 

Louis sighs. „Ugh. No more promises. It was the last thing I said to my mum and I promised Zayn and Daniel already. If I promise one more person I’ll go insane.“ 

„Fine. Just tell me you’re okay then. And that you’ll stay okay“, Niall urges him and he’s so serious, Louis eventually sighs and gives in. 

„I try my hardest. Every day is tough, you know? It’s nowhere near ‚good‘. But I’m getting there.“, Louis admits and is very grateful when finally, the food arrives. 

 

—————————

Louis:  
I’m editing the video. Should I put our conversation in or leave it out? I’m not sure

Niall:  
Keep it in there. Your followers want to see some real stuff about you once in a while and not constantly you waxing your legs 

Louis:  
Fair enough. It’ll be up tonight. 

 

Niall:  
Aye Aye 

Louis bites his lip. He knows it’s stupid and he shouldn’t feel down now. Not after such an amazing day. 

And especially because Niall doesn’t know, he didn’t do it on purpose. 

But Aye aye were the last words his Mum said to Daniel. 

And somehow, the night of the football game comes crashing on top of him with full force and he gets up from his bed not being able to lay down just like that. 

He needs to get away from his room where all his depressive memories are kept. Where he spent months crying his heart out. 

So he grabs his running shoes and a ball and hurries downstairs. 

„Louis, where are you going?“, Daniel shouts after him but Louis doesn’t even stop. 

„Soccer.“, he just answers and runs out of the house. 

Within minutes, he sprints towards the football field where he used to train when he was a little child, where he learned playing football. Where he can easily get his mind away from things he doesn’t want to think about. 

So he puts the ball on the ground and begins to play. Left, right, left, right, kick, jump back, run after the ball, run back. 

He doesn’t even realize how long he’s been playing until suddenly there’s someone calling his name in the dark. 

„Louis!“

He stops in the middle of his movement and looks up, confused. Who would be here on the football track right now? 

And then he sees a tall figure making it’s way towards him. Broad shoulders, curly hair and an elegant walk. 

His heartbeat quickens immediately and his stomach feels funny as he realizes who it is. 

„Harry. What are you doing here?“ 

Harry’s finally close enough that he can see his dimples in the dark. „Could ask you the same question.“ 

Louis shakes his head and bites his lip. „Needed to get my mind off things.“ 

Harry’s face falls flat and he nods. „Sorry.“ 

„Don’t be. Not your fault that life’s a bitch.“ 

Harry shrugs helplessly. „Yeah, but still.“ 

„And you?“ 

„I just … needed to clear my head.“ 

Louis raises his eyebrows. „Why?“ 

Harry huffs out some breath and sighs. „Because of graduation, I guess. I don’t know what to do after.“ 

„You still have one and a half months left, Harry.“, Louis tosses in and watches Harry carefully. 

„That’s not a lot of time, though. And my parents are going crazy because they want me to study Law so I can take over my Dad’s office.“ 

Louis smiles because he can clearly hear how unhappy Harry is with that idea. „And what do YOU want to do?“ 

Harry bites his lip and looks away. „I want to write.“ 

„Write? Like Novels?“ 

He shrugs. „Maybe. Or for a Magazine, for blogs, for companies, for movies as a script. Anything, really.“ 

Louis smiles softly. „That would be lovely. I think it fits you very well.“ 

Harry shakes his head and looks towards the ground. „Nothing that would make my parents happy. I feel like I’d disappoint them with everything I do if I don’t study Law.“ 

Louis bites his lip and suddenly thinks about what his mum told him before she died. No matter what you do, I’ll always support and love you. 

„I’m sorry. That must be a lot of pressure.“

Harry nods but then smiles. „That’s why I’m here. So let’s not talk about problems anymore. Let’s play.“ 

Louis grins and immediately runs towards the goal kicking the ball in front of him. 

„Hey, I didn’t even say start!“, Harry shouts after him but runs anyway. 

„Well, now you did.“ 

———————

Louis feels terrible. 

He can only imagine how Zayn feels. 

It’s the last official school day for Liam, Niall and most importantly Harry and they can’t even begin to think about school life without those three dorks. 

They’ve all grown really close since Louis came back to school and basically hung out after school and during lunch and during free periods and it’s crazy how close they’ve all gotten. 

He grabs Zayn’s hand tightly and walks with him through the corridor towards the cafeteria where they will have their last lunch together with the boys and it sucks. It really does. 

For the entire school year, they bullied him and called him names and treated him like utter shit. And the last three months had to be the best months ever with them becoming friends and now they have to leave? It’s not fair. 

„Wow, Guys. Please a little more Optimism.“, Niall shouts as he sees Zayn and Louis walking towards their typical table. 

They fall down on the chairs next to them and sigh. 

„I can’t.“, Louis dramatizes and jolts out his bottom lip. 

Liam and Harry are surprisingly quiet as well and look very worn down. 

„You don’t look much better, either, by the way.“, Louis notices and looks at Harry concerned. 

„Well, I feel fantastic.“, Niall shouts and stretches his arms wide open. 

„Shut up, Niall!“, they all answer at the same time and smile at each other once they realize. 

„It’s not the end of the world, okay? We’ll stay in touch.“, Liam tries but it makes it even worse. 

Zayn tears up and hides his face behind his hands causing Liam to immediately throw his arms around the skinny boy and whisper soft things inside his ear. 

Louis watches them a little sadly because he can’t help feeling miserable how Zayn got his dream, got his crush and dated him for months whereas Louis hasn’t gotten more than a hug and a few conversations here and there. 

This school year was a terrible one, if he’s being honest. 

„I’m sorry, Lou.“, Harry says and turns around. 

„What?“ 

„That this school year has been terrible for you.“, Harry softly explains and Louis only now realizes that he has said that out loud. 

„Not your fault, Harry.“ 

Harry looks like he wants to disagree but he only nods and turns back around towards his food. 

He wishes Harry had said something. Anything. Because tomorrow he’ll be at home and not here next to him so now is his chance. 

Now would be the perfect moment to say something. 

But he doesn’t and Louis has never been closer to punching someone his entire life. 

——————

It’s weird. So fucking weird. 

Life goes on without the three and Louis and Zayn are closer then ever. They still talk to Eleanor and Perrie sometimes, but they miss them. 

And for Zayn it’s even worse since he’s missing his boyfriend, and not just a friend. 

And Louis wishes he could say the same about him, but no. Harry and him might not even be friends, if he’s totally honest. 

They never really hung out purposely like Niall and him or like he did with Zayn and Liam. 

So Louis feels like he doesn’t have the right to miss him. But he still does. 

He still uploads a video every second day since school has really slowed him down in terms of filming but his followers are still increasing dramatically and it startles Louis every day. 

He’s now got over 789 Thousand. 

And for some reason, he received a lot of people wanting to collaborate and film a video with him. And companies, who want him to subtly advertise their products for money. 

Louis has done a few things, for example wore some Shirts or Sweaters he liked or placed a lamp in the back of the room, slightly visible for viewers but not too obvious, just so he could support Daniel a little. 

But he’s been mainly against the idea of receiving money for his videos. 

 

That changes when Zayn storms inside his room one evening and walks up and down nervously. 

„Louis, you will hate me.“, he shouts and Louis can see how his hands are shaking. 

„What on earth did you do now?“ 

„There’s a boarding school in London. It’s really great for Art and Technology and Music and Theatre. I applied for an Art Scholarship and I actually got in.“ 

Louis gets pale and suddenly feels like his room temperature dropped to minus thirty degrees. 

„I don’t know what to do. This is an incredible chance and I’d be able to see Liam every day.“ 

Louis wants to throw up. 

He’s not going to school without Zayn for the next two years. If there’s one thing he surely knows, then it’s the fact that he’s not going to school without Zayn for two more years. 

„I don’t know what to say.“, Louis says and avoids Zayn’s staring gaze. 

„Louis, please. I’m so sorry. I know I should’ve told you but..“ 

Louis holds up his hand and shakes his head. „I’m sorry. I don’t… I can’t…“ 

He gets up and as if he’s in trance leaves the room. 

He should talk to Zayn. Should shout at him. Should explain to him. 

But he can’t 

So he makes his way towards the playground and sits down near the little playhouse and gets out his camera. 

„I have a problem. 

My best friend just told me he applied for a Scholarship for an Art School in London and actually got in. And I know he should do it. It’s an amazing opportunity for him. 

But I’ve been to school for about three months now and the only reason I didn’t quit was him. The only reason I didn’t say ‚fuck it, this sucks’ is because he waited for me every day at the bus station in front of school, ate lunch with me and lifted me up when something reminded me of my mum. 

And I know for a fact that I won’t be able to go to school without him. That’s just impossible, guys. I literally know that for 100 percent. 

Also, I’m pissed at him. He didn’t even tell me he applied for that thing. Did he feel like he couldn’t trust me? Did he not want to tell me? I mean, we’ve been best friends since we were kids and we can talk about anything. Does he not feel that way anymore? 

I think that’s the worst part. 

Me losing my best friend.“ 

 

He closes his camera and sits there in the quiet for about an hour until he gets up and makes his way back home. 

Zayn has left which doesn’t really surprise Louis. So he gets his laptop out and uploads the little rambling he filmed earlier and closes his laptop again. 

He makes his maths homework and his biology homework and reads the pages for History before he decides that enough is enough and makes his way downstairs so he could talk to Lottie or Daniel about Zayn and Zayn’s decision to go to London. 

Because he knows Zayn and he knows that he would never give up such an opportunity. 

He’s half way down the stairs as Lottie runs up towards him and grabs both his arms. 

„I saw your video.“ 

„Okay.“, Louis says and raises an eyebrow. „Will you let go of me now?“ 

„No.“, Lottie answers and grabs him even tighter. „Because I have an idea.“ 

„Jesus, Lottie.“ 

„Let me talk. Zayn wants to go to that school in London? So you will go, too.“ 

„What the fuck? Do you even know how expensive that shit is?“ 

„Yes. But you don’t have 850 thousand followers for nothing. All you have to do is put an ad before every single video and you’ll earn the money you need to attend that school in no time. 

„No way. Lottie, I’m against that. I think that’s horrible, my viewers like me because I’m real and authentic and not because I put ads in front of my videos.“ 

She sighs and shakes him a little. „Louis! That idea wasn’t mine. That idea came from 500 thousand comments saying that’s what you should do.“ 

Louis tears his eyes open and stares at his little sister. „What?“ 

She grabs his hand and guides him downstairs where Lottie’s laptop is already opened and shows Louis’ video talking about Zayn. 

„Read through the comments. Almost everyone is suggesting that you should earn money from Youtube and use it for your education.“ 

And Lottie isn’t lying. There are tons of videos saying how he should finally get a reward for all the hard work Louis has put into his videos the past few months and how making money from youtube for his education is a good thing and totally understandable and supportable. 

Louis shakes his head. „I don’t know, Lottie. That feels so wrong. And I don’t want to take that away from Zayn and follow him there. I’m pretty sure he applied for that school to get away from depressive me.“ 

„He applied for that school because a) he wanted to be closer to his boyfriend b) because he finally wants a full support for his art and c) because he didn’t think he would’ve gotten accepted.“

Louis tilts his head and runs a hand over his face. He’s frustrated because he knows that his little sister is right but he’s still hurt. 

„Yeah, but he didn’t think about me. What about me? In school, he’s pretty much the only one I have and I can’t make it without him. But clearly, he didn’t feel the same way about me.“ 

Lottie sighs and sits down next to Louis and grabs his hand. „I understand why you’re hurt. I really do. It wasn’t nice that he didn’t tell you about his plans and that he simply applied without telling you. But to Zayn you’re the most important human being in the entire world, okay? And he can get in a relationship or fall in love or go to a school in London or emigrate to Japan. Nothing will ever change the fact that you’re his best friend.“ 

———————

„I won’t go there!“, Zayn says as soon as Louis steps out of the bus and grabs his bag a little tighter. 

Louis shakes his head and walks towards his best friend and stops right in front of him. „Zayn, stop being ridiculous.“ 

„I saw the video. I changed my mind. I don’t want to be seperated from you, you’re my best friend and I need you in my life. I don’t care about Liam or Art. You are more important.“ 

Louis bites his lip and tries his hardest to blink the tears away which are forming in his eyes as he grabs Zayn’s slim shoulders and pulls him in for a hug. He can smell his typical cologne and squeezes his eyes shut. 

„I know. I completely overreacted. I’m sorry, Zayn. I only want the best for you and that simply is London.“ 

„No. I won’t go there without you. End of discussion.“, Zayn shouts and takes a step back. There’s a little V covering his forehead and his eyes are sparkling furiously and Louis knows that he’s not joking.  
„Zayn…“ 

„No. Either we both go, which is highly unlikely or I stay here. With you.“ 

Louis throws his head back and wishes Lottie had never said anything about earning money from youtube because it’s all he can think about. „Well. There’s a way we could both go.“ 

Zayn shoots his eyebrows up and looks at him surprised. 

„Lottie suggested making money from youtube.“ 

„Oh.“ 

„Yeah.“ 

„And how do you feel about this?“ 

Louis shakes his head. „Not too good. I don’t really like the idea. It feels wrong. But honestly? It’s kinda stuck in my head now. Getting away from here, from the town that reminds me of Mum everywhere I go and starting a new life in London with you… It does sound nice.“ 

Zayn nods. „I understand if it makes you feel bad. But honestly? You’ve worked so hard for youtube, sacrificed a lot of time for it. Obviously because you wanted to. But still. Why not benefit from it a little?“ 

Louis shrugs and licks his lips. He does get that point. He really does. But it still feels wrong. „I don’t know if I could leave Daniel and Lottie and Fizzy and the others, though.“ 

„Lou, you’ll see them every weekend. And during holidays. I’m sure Daniel will manage during the week. And this is an amazing opportunity for the both of us. Did you know they have a special support for film and video and editing and stuff?“ 

Louis grins as he sees right through his best friend. „I know what you’re trying to do. You play the understanding friend when in reality you try to manipulate me to say yes.“ 

Zayn shrugs and grins as well. „What can I say?“ 

Louis barks out a laugh and feels giddy inside his entire stomach. 

„So it is decided? We’re going to London?“ 

Louis nods. „We’re going to London.“ 

 

———————

Louis and Zayn work especially hard now that they know they’ll be gone after the summer holidays and Louis still can’t wrap his head around it. 

 

In less than a month he’ll be gone. He’ll start a new life in a new school and meet new people. And during the summer break he’ll have plenty of time for filming new videos and giving his viewers what they want so that he’ll feel a little better for making money from Youtube. 

He has filmed a short vlog where he explained his situation and why he’s from now on putting ads in front of his videos but most of his viewers were understanding. Obviously, there were a few ones who insulted him for it and called him lazy and fake but Louis blocked them right away and tired to focus on the support he recieved over the past few months from his viewers. 

And he can’t help it. 

But he really misses Harry. 

He hasn’t seen him in a month and two weeks and four days and he’s really starting to wonder how he’s doing, where he’s going after school and wether he’ll give in and study law or actually become a writer. 

He wishes he could just call him, chat with him, tell him about his plans but they haven’t been close enough for him to do that without coming off as completely weird. 

Even though every inch of his body is itching for Harry, Harry, Harry. 

He’s starting to question himself wether he’ll ever get over Harry. 

„Probably not.“, Louis mutters as he uploads a new video and takes a sip of his favorite tea. 

Suddenly, he gets a notification on twitter and he unlocks his phone, curious on who might have tweeted him. 

It’s a famous Fashion and Makeup Youtuber. Her name is Lou Teasedale and she has over 2,1 Million followers. Louis has seen a few videos of her and even though he’s not into Fashion videos that much he did like her editing. 

Lou: „Loved @TheTommos new video! His sister is so cute. If you’re up for a collab message me xx“ 

Louis grins and immediately retweets her tweet and types a short message. 

Louis: „Just saw your tweet! I’ll be in London after summer, maybe we can catch up! :) “ 

Lou responds within seconds. 

Lou: „Happy to hear this! I really love your videos and would like to film something else other than fashion all the time and was hoping you could help me :) x“ 

Louis raises his eyebrows surprised, not quite believing how an extremely famous British Youtuber like Lou could possibly want advice from Louis. When did his life take this turn? Seems like Louis missed the train but he’s not complaining. 

Louis: „I’d love that! Let’s brainstorm some ideas :)“ 

 

———————

„LOUIS!“, Lottie screams and immediately jumps up his body as soon as Louis enters the house after a long day of school. 

Only three more weeks. Then he’s done. Only six more exams. Then he can relax. 

„Jesus Christ. Charlotte, what on earth happened? Did Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez get back together?“ 

„No, I’m still desperately waiting for that to happen!“, Lottie snorts and shakes her head. „Guess how many followers you have?“ 

„I don’t know?“, Louis asks as he lets his bag fall down onto the floor and makes his way towards the kitchen. 

„You have 979,560 subscribers! You’re so close to reaching one million!“, Lottie shouts and jumps up and down. „I can’t believe how successful this whole thing has gotten.“ 

Louis smirks and shakes his head. „Me neither. It’s crazy. It all started with depressing me crying on camera!“ 

Lottie nods and steps closer to Louis. „Do you have any idea what you will do when you reach one million?“ 

Louis tears his eyes open and frowns at his little sister. „What?“ 

Lottie rolls her eyes at him and places her hand on her hip. „Well, you should film a little special for your subscribers! A one million subscribers special! Everyone does that!“ 

Louis raises an eyebrow as mild panic settles inside his stomach. „Really? And what could that special be? “ 

Lottie shrugs her shoulders as she stares at the wall to think. „I don’t know. It has to be different from your usual videos. Maybe a give away. Or something really personal.“ 

Louis frowns. „I have no idea what that could be.“ 

„Maybe a phone prank or something?“ 

And suddenly Louis’ heart beats a thousand times faster and his hands begin to sweat. „I have an idea. But this could go terribly wrong.“ 

—————

Ever since the idea came to Louis’ mind, it hasn’t let go of him. He’s almost wishing he didn’t reach one million subscribers since that would mean he would actually have to pull through it and do this. 

But he said to himself that the moment he reaches one million subscribers he would do it. He would not back down. 

So the weeks slowly pass by, Louis finishes all of his exams and suddenly it’s the last day of school and he can’t wait to get home and plan everything for London. 

He’s also a little sad to leave all his classmates behind. He’ll probably never see them again as he walks through the corridors one last time and eats lunch in the cafeteria for the last time. 

Louis shoves another fork of mashed potatoes inside his mouth, just as suddenly the atmosphere inside the cafeteria begins to shift and everyone turns around grinning like maniacs. 

What on earth? 

He frowns and tenses up a little and decides to turn around as well and almost chokes on the potatoes as he sees Zayn, Eleanor and Perrie followed from a few other students enter the cafeteria with a banner that says „1 Million subscribers!“ and a few sparklers. 

„Oh Sit!“, Louis mumbles and startles a little as everyone begins to clap and cheer and whoop. 

They walk towards him and Zayn throws his arms around his body, hugging him tightly. „You made it, man! Congratulations!“ 

Louis grins and hugs the girls as well wiping away a few tears as he watches the banner. „Really? Did I really hit one million?“ 

Zayn nods and immediately shoves his phone in Louis’ face. And there it is. Louis has reached one million followers. 

That means, he’s going to go through with it today. 

————

„Hi everyone!“, Louis begins, his hands sweating and trembling and he tries to keep his voice steady. 

„As you all know I’ve reached one million subscribers today! Can’t believe it thank you so so much. I’m so grateful for having you all, you seriously went through some deep shit with me and lifted me up so much. 

Youtube pretty much saved my life. 

But since today is such a special day, I thought I’d give you something special. Something you might not really expect from me. 

I am going to call my long term crush today. I will film it and I will tell him everything I would never tell him if I wasn’t in this situation right now. 

He has no clue that I’ve liked him for ages now and we haven’t talked in a while since he graduated from school. 

So this will be very, very interesting. 

God, I’m shaking so much!“, Louis admits and shows his hands to the camera. He grabs his phone, searches through his contacts and as soon as he finds Harry’s number, holds still for a minute. 

„I can’t do this, oh god. This is going to be so embarrassing, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay.“ 

He presses call and puts him on speaker.

He bites his lip until he can taste blood and holds his breath. 

Please don’t pick up. Please don’t pick up. Please don’t - 

„Louis? Hello?“ 

Fuck. 

„Harry. Hi. How are you?“ 

It’s silent for a while and Louis presses his lips together tightly. He’s already regretting this. 

„Umm.. I’m good, thanks. May I ask why you're calling?“ 

„Well, do you have time right now? It’s going to be a bit longer.“, Louis explains and hopes Harry says no. 

„Yes. I do. Are you alright? Do you need anything, can I help you with anything?“ 

God, Harry. Stop being such a sweetheart, it makes it only harder. 

„Well. No. I’m calling because I’ve reached one million subscribers today.“ 

„Wow. Congratulations, that is amazing!“ 

Louis tries to hide his smile and grabs his phone even tighter. „Thanks. Um.. I’m actually filming right now, soo… I hope that’s okay.“ 

Harry’s quiet again. „..Um. Ok.“ 

„I … can’t believe I’m doing this. But I thought: Hey, today is a special day. Let’s do something special. 

So I wanted to call you and tell you…“ 

Fuck. 

He’s going to do it. 

He really is. 

Take a deep breath. 

„That I had a crush on you for about three years now.“ 

And he did it. 

It’s quiet and Louis holds his breath but Harry doesn’t say anything and he’s scared he might end the call without saying anything at all so he rambles on. 

„I remember the first time I saw you. I walked down the corridor and I looked up and you walked right towards me and I thought: God, he’s beautiful. Is he going to kiss me? 

But instead you ruffled my hair and shouted: Don’t get a boner staring at me 

Or something like that. 

And you always insulted me and always made fun of me with Nick, Niall and the others and that really, really hurt. 

I would spend nights crying because of your mean comments. Fuck, I actually didn’t mean to tell you this as well, I only wanted to tell you that I have a massive crush on you.“ 

Harry is still quiet, hasn’t said anything. And Louis begins to regret this. So so much.

„I’m sorry.“, he whispers and runs a hand through this hair. 

Finally, he speaks up and his raspy voice sends shivers down his spine. „Do you remember the night of the soccer match? The night your mum visited?“ 

Louis nods and tries to blink tears away as he recalls the memory. „How could I forget?“ 

„I was so fucking worried about you.“ 

Louis grins through his tears. „I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t encouraged me to not give up. You have no idea how much your words lifted me up.“ 

„Fuck.“, Harry breathes and Louis presses his lips together. 

What on earth is going on? Louis doesn’t understand anything anymore. 

„Harry? I know this is all messed up and probably catches you totally off guard but I really needed to get this of my chest. I’ve liked you for ages and I never said anything because there were times where I was really scared of you and what you might say.“ 

„Lou, you do know that I’ve liked you for ages, too, right?“ 

What? 

No. 

Harry didn’t just say that. That is just - That is - no. 

„What?“ 

„I thought it was super obvious. I remember the first time you walked inside the cafeteria. I think you were in sixth grade and I was in eighth grade or something and you wore this striped shirt, blue jeans and Vans and glasses and I was completely caught off guard. 

And that moment in the hallway you just described? That was the first time you actually noticed me as well and I was so scared and didn’t know what to do because I literally had stalked you for a year so I just insulted you. And that kinda went on.“ 

„Are you fucking kidding me, Styles.“ 

Harry huffs out a laugh and Louis can only imagine the smirk on Harry’s face and wishes he could kiss his dimples and his puffy red lips and run a hand through his hair. Basically be there with him and hold him close.

„Nope. I wish I was.“, Harry admits. „I can’t believe I never noticed that you liked me, too.“ 

„Harry, I was head over heels for you. Every time I saw you I was literally drooling!“, Louis almost shouts and punches his forehead with his fist. 

„God, we’re idiots!“ 

„No, Styles, you are an idiot! I can’t believe you insulted me all those years because you liked me! I thought you hated me and simply liked mocking me!“ 

„Louis, are you dumb? Every time I was around you I turned into a massive weirdo. All those times I was jealous and reacted so weirdly? And during practice I literally stared at you for minutes and everyone noticed? Did you really not notice?“ 

„Wait, you did?“ 

„Yes, of course! Remember how jealous I was of Tom?“ 

Louis bites his lip and stares outside the window. „Oh my God. I thought you were pissed at us for being late.“ 

Harry barks out a laugh and Louis smiles. „Pff. As if I cared about the game. I was so jealous, I literally wanted to kill him.“ 

Louis sighs and shakes his head. „God, we are so dumb.“ 

„Yeah.“, Harry agrees. 

„I like you so much, Harry. It literally hurts. All I wanted was to be with you the past few years. You have no idea.“ 

„Same over here.“, Harry answers helplessly and sounds just as lost as Louis. 

„I wish you were here right now. By the way, where exactly are you?“ 

„I’m in Italy. I’m backpacking. Next stop is Spain and then France.“ 

„Wow!“, Louis shouts and grins. „I can really imagine you with a backpack touring through Europe.“ 

„Yeah. It’s amazing. I already went to Sweden, Austria, Ireland and Norway. I can’t describe what an amazing experience it is.“ 

Louis hums and wishes he could see Harry right now, see the excitement in his eyes and how he smiles softly as he talks about all the people he has met and the things he has seen. 

„Hey, don’t you have holidays now? You could visit me if you want.“, Harry suggests and Louis tears his eyes open, can’t hide his excitement. 

He balls his hands into fists and makes a little dance, very happy that Harry can’t see him right now. „I’d love to.“ 

„Great. I’ll send you the date when I arrive in Spain. I’ll get you from the Airport and we’ll get a hotel together!“ 

„Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.“, Louis whispers into the camera and holds a hand over his phone so Harry won’t hear him. 

„Yeah. That sounds fantastic.“, Louis says and bites his lip. „I’ll immediately talk to Daniel.“ 

„Lovely. Hey, Louis?“ 

„Hm?“ 

„Thank you for calling me.“ 

„Thank you for picking up.“ 

„See you in Spain then?“ 

„Definitely.“ 

——————

He uploads the video an hour later after he has ended the call and edited the entire thing but he kept every scene and only put the words Harry said in black letters at the bottom of the video so people will understand him clearly. 

Then, he picks up his phone and sees that Harry has already sent him the dates when he will be in Spain and Louis bites his lip. 

He can’t believe how things turned out. Harry is not joking. Harry did like him the entire time as well, maybe even longer. How is that possible? 

Louis then sprints downstairs. „Daniel?“ 

„Louis?“, Daniel shouts back and Louis can tell he’s in the kitchen making food. 

„I need to talk to you.“ 

„Oh Lord. What is coming now? First going back to school, then youtube, then going to school in London. Come on, shock me.“ 

„I need to go to Spain for a week.“ 

Daniel pretends to be shot by an invisible gun and sinks down onto the chair dramatically causing Louis to roll his eyes. „Seriously, Louis? There is nothing you could say or do at this point that would surprise me.“ 

„I have to meet my long time crush there because I just admitted that I’ve liked him for ages and he told me he liked me too and is currently backpacking through Europe and he’ll be in Spain next week and I really need to see him.“, Louis explains and even to his own ears, it sounds absolutely ridiculous. 

„Aha.“

„Daniel, I’m not joking, I can show you the video!“, Louis pleads and already wants jump up to his room and get his laptop but Daniel shakes his head. 

„Oh, Louis, what am I doing with you?“ 

Louis grins. „How about you let me go?“ 

Daniel licks his lips and turns towards the oven. „You’ll pay sixty percent, I’ll pay forty. And I want you to give me the boy’s number and I’ll book the hotel and the flight for you.“ 

Louis runs towards Daniel, throws his arms around him and squeezes him tightly. „Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!“ 

Then he jumps towards the living room and sings: „I’m going to Spain. I’m going to Spain!“ 

„Louis!“, Lottie shouts and Louis only realizes now she’s been sitting on the sofa the entire time. 

„Oh, hi Lottie!“ 

„Your video with Harry has already 1,6 million views!“

Louis tears his eyes open and walks towards the couch. Lottie shoves her laptop in his face and she’s right. „How is that possible? It’s been up for about twenty minutes!“ 

Lottie shrugs. „Stuff on the Internet spreads incredibly fast.“ 

Louis huffs out a laugh and nods. „I guess.“ 

 

—————

„And you’ve booked everything already?“, Zayn asks grinning like a mad man and takes another sip of his smoothie. 

Louis nods and smirks. „Yeah. I’m so fucking happy, I can’t believe it.“ 

Liam coughs and shakes his head. „God, if I had known you two would be so happy, I would’ve said something to both of you but Harry told me every day he would kill me if I ever said something.“ 

Louis narrows his eyes at him. „And you still left us in a misery for several years. I can’t quite forgive you, Liam Payne.“ 

Liam holds his hands up in defense. „I didn’t know you liked him. I always assumed but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to put Harry on display if you didn’t like him.“ 

Louis sighs and nods. „Yeah, yeah. I get it. But honestly it’s so embarrassing how we both had a crush on each other for over three years now.“ 

„Harry liked you for four!“, Liam mumbles causing Zayn to give him a little nudge. 

„Babe, shh.“, Zayn whispers and Louis grins. 

„You do know I can hear you guys, right?“

Liam smiles fondly at him and shrugs. „I’m just happy that everyone’s happy!“ 

They all laugh and Louis decides to order another hot chocolate. 

——————

Stay calm. Keep breathing. 

Only ten minutes until the plane arrives in Barcelona. 

He can do this. 

Louis tries his hardest to fight the panic that he feels inside his throat as the minutes become less and less. He really wants to see Harry, really wants to kiss him and touch him and finally be with him but he’s also scared. 

They’ve texted nonstop ever since that phone call and talked on the phone every day but to Louis it still feels as if Harry might have pulled a prank on him and won’t be there at the airport. This might be part of Harry’s plan of bullying Louis. 

But Louis knows this is hysterical thinking. He knows that Harry will be there and that everything he said was the truth. 

But this tiny part inside of him still panics.  
Louis finally gets his luggage after the plane has landed and after Louis had waited patiently at the baggage claim and makes his way towards the lobby. 

He can’t wait to see Harry. 

Will he be there? 

The doors slide open and he walks through, scanning the lobby for a tall curly man but he can’t find him anywhere. 

Don’t panic. Stay calm. He’ll be there. 

He walks right towards the middle and turns around twice but there’s no Harry. No nothing. 

Disappointment takes over his entire body as he slumps down and fights with tears because he can’t believe how stupid he was. How could he possibly believe that Harry, fucking Harry, would like him back? 

Harry’s so far out of his league he would never - 

„Louis!“

He turns around and stares at the handsome man in the corner, smiling like the little shit he is and Louis presses his lips together. 

„Fuck you.“ 

Harry grins and walks up to him, hands behind his back and stops right in front of Louis. „Hey. You look wonderful.“ 

Louis shakes his head. „Fuck you, Harry Styles. I thought you had pranked me or something. I thought you wouldn’t show up and that you’d left me here all alone by myself and -“

He immediately stops rambling as Harry gets out a wonderful bouquet of red roses and smirks at him with his dimples full on display and his eyes sparkling like thousand stars in the darkest night and Louis swallows every complain he just had and looks from Harry to the roses and back to Harry. 

„You…“, Louis begins but he stops himself. 

„Hi.“ 

„Oops.“ 

Harry laughs and then suddenly urges forward and presses his lips right onto Louis’. It’s delicate and soft and gentle and it’s a kiss that says: Thank god you’re here because I really couldn’t stand you being anywhere else. It’s a kiss that says: I’ve wanted to do this forever but I was never brave enough. 

It’s not a lustful kiss. 

It’s not passionate either. 

It’s sweet and careful and perfect. 

They pull apart and Louis can’t stop the huge grin forming on his face and takes the flowers while Harry takes Louis’ bag. 

„Let’s get to our hotel!“ 

———————

 

„How was your flight?“, Harry asks as they finally enter the hotel room close to the beach. 

Louis smiles and steps closer to him as he lets his bags fall onto the floor and waits for Harry to touch him. He’s still insecure about this whole thing. „It was good. I was nervous, though.“ 

Harry’s head jolts up in surprise and he frowns as he opens his arms for Louis to hug him. Louis immediately does and leans in head on Harry’s shoulder. „Don’t be. It’s just me.“

„Yeah. Just the guy I’ve liked for more than three years.“ 

„Well, I liked you for four.“ 

Louis hums in agreement and presses a gentle kiss to his neck. „Hey, Styles?“ 

„Hmm.“ 

Harry pulls him even closer and wraps his arms around his torso. 

Louis bites his lip and grins. „Nothing.“ 

Harry pulls away a little so he can have a better look at Louis and raises his eyebrows questioningly. 

„Let’s go to the beach.“, Louis says instead which causes Harry to grin and immediately grab his hand. 

They make their way towards the elevator and press the button and as soon as the door closes, Louis grabs Harry by his shirt and pulls him in for a passionate kiss. 

Their lips meet and Louis feels as if he’s on fire where their skin touches. 

It’s passionate and lustful and also a bit strange kissing Harry after all this time he imagined it in his head. It’s like everything he's ever imagined but better. 

Harry’s mouth is soft and full and his lips are almost dry where he licked them but it only gives the whole thing an interesting intensity and Harry kisses back just as passionate as Louis showing him how much he wants this, how much he wants him. 

Louis just lets everything happen and tries not to think about what he’s going to do next too much so he lets his fingers slide up to hold the back of Harry’s neck and gently pulls on his hair with the other hand. They’re so close, Louis almost forgets which part actually belongs to his body and he can feel Harry growing harder with each second. 

Harry digs his fingers into Louis’ waist, pulling him in and moaning softly into his mouth as the doors to the elevator open. They both pull apart with a frustrated groan and Louis wishes he hadn’t suggested going to the beach but now they’re already out of the elevator, Harry grabbing his hand and guiding the way. 

It only takes them five minutes to walk down to the beach and it’s already late so most of the people have left. 

Harry wraps his arm around Louis’ shoulder and gives him a little kiss on his forehead and a huge smile spreads on his face as they walk towards the ocean. 

„You know what?“ 

„Hmm?“, Harry asks and looks down on him. 

„I haven’t been this happy in a very long time.“ 

Harry grins and kisses his forehead again. „Me neither.“ 

Louis looks up surprised. Harry always seemed so content with himself and his life, is that not the case? 

Harry shrugs and licks his lips. „I felt a lot of pressure the past year. There was this thing with you acting strange because of your Mum. I was really worried about you. 

Then there’s me finishing school and I had to write a lot of exams and study hard. 

And the obvious question: What to do after school?“ 

Louis nods and wraps his arms around Harry’s muscular torso. „Oh. I never really thought or imagined you struggling with things. To me you always seemed so put together and organized and well… happy.“ 

Harry huffs out a breath and shrugs again. „People pretend a lot, don’t they?“ 

„I certainly did.“ 

„Yeah. The worst part is I knew something was up and all I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and help you get through it. Even when you weren’t in school, fuck, you were all I could think about. After the locker incident I felt like I had fucked up and that I needed to try again and make you feel better." 

Louis shakes his head vehemently. He doesn’t understand how Harry could possibly think that when in reality his words where what kept him alive that night. 

God knows what he would’ve done without Harry that night. „Don’t say that. You helped me so much that night. And I still repeat that moment over and over again inside my head.“ 

„Do you really?“ 

„Yes, it lifts me up.“, Louis admits as they sit down close to the water but far enough so they won’t get wet. 

„Um.. this is really embarrassing. But I watched every single one of your videos.“ 

Louis raises his eyebrows in surprise and stares at the boy next to him. He looks beautiful in the dim light, his lashes throwing soft shadows onto his skin and his lips looking puffy and soft. He can't believe how lucky he is to be here right now. 

„Really?“ 

„Hmm.“, Harry nods and blushes a little as he plays with his rings on his fingers. 

„I think that’s adorable. Thank you for supporting me.“ 

Harry grins and gives him a little push. „Shut up you dork! I’m not like your embarrassing stalker fan or anything.“ 

„Wait, you are not? Damn, and I thought I finally found myself a boyfriend who’s madly in love with me!“, Louis mocks him but immediately regrets it as soon as the words leave his throat. 

Fuck. Why did he just say that? He basically put two huge bombs in one sentence and possibly fucked things up between them. 

Harry simply stares at him, his eyes glowing mysteriously in the dark and Louis gulps as he waits for an answer. 

„I.. that was a joke. Let’s forget I said anything about boyfriends and love and all that serious shit.“ 

„Why?“ 

„Why did I say it or why should we forget?“ 

Harry smiles softly and grabs Louis’ hand. "Why should we forget?“ 

Louis shrugs and blushes. „It’s dumb and way too deep right now.“ 

Harry shakes his head and squeezes his hand even tighter causing a thousand butterflies to jump around Louis’ tummy. „It’s not dumb and we’re talking about deep stuff anyway. It’s just difficult because a long distance relationship hardly ever works. I don’t want to sound pessimistic but sadly that’s the truth.“ 

Louis bites his lip. „Like I said. Let’s not talk about that right now.“ 

He can feel Harry watching him through sad eyes as Louis continues to stare at the ocean and takes a deep breath. 

What was he thinking anyway? It was ridiculous to think that they’d get married and live happily ever after just because they both liked each other and finally admitted their crushes towards each other. 

„Can I tell you about my plans for the future?“, Harry tries to lift up the mood and Louis is thankful because he doesn’t want to ruin the mood by his stupid sadness. He nods. 

„Okay. So I finally came to the realization after endless discussions with strangers and reflecting on myself that I will study law and take over my dad’s company.“ 

Louis raises his eyebrows in surprise and shuffles around so he’s facing Harry. „Seriously? What made you chance your mind?“ 

„Well, I love writing. But I know it’s not a very secure job. And in life you need to realize that you can’t support yourself or your family if you don’t have money and I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I can’t pay my bills or where I can’t buy my children a toy or a gift or pay them uni because a wrong decision. 

And I also don’t want to ruin my love for writing. If I really chose it as a proper job the chances of being unsuccessful will be very high and I’ll blame it on writing and on my skills and I don’t want that to happen. Therefore I'd rather do it in my free time.“ 

Louis smiles and nods. „Sounds very smart and reasonable. I’ll support anything as long as you’re happy and make the decision for yourself.“ 

Harry’s eyes shoot up and he stares at him through narrowed eyes and a weird expression which causes Louis to look at him surprised. „What?“ 

„I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me.“ 

Louis shakes his head, still not understanding. 

„That they support me and my decisions. Just like that. Because they want me to be happy.“ 

„Of course, that’s all I want for you. To be happy. That’s the mindset my mum has raised me with.“ 

„I wish I would’ve known her better. I only ever saw her at school events and stuff.“, Harry admits sadly and Louis rubs his hands over his thighs. 

„She would've loved you. Really. I actually told her about you." 

Harry looks at him surprised. „You did?“ 

„Hmm. And you know what she said?“ 

Harry shrugs his shoulders. 

„She said if it’s meant to happen, it will.“ 

A huge smile lights up Harry’s face and he scrunches up his nose in the cutest way. „She really said that?“ 

Louis nods and takes a deep breath. „God, I really miss her right now. I mean I always miss her but right now it's really hard.“

Harry grabs both his hands tightly and presses kiss to them. „Sorry for bringing her up.“ 

Louis shakes his head and smiles. „That’s okay. I have to deal with it. So, where do you want to study law? Do you already have a university in mind?“ 

Harry grins. „Yeah. There’s a really good one in London. I already got accepted.“ 

And Louis just - 

stares at him in utter disbelief and opens his mouth shocked. 

„Louis? Are you okay?“ 

Louis only shakes his head. „Fuck. If it’s meant to happen, it will.“ 

„What are you talking about? Are you alright? Did I say anything wrong?“, Harry asks and grabs his shoulders, concern clearly visible in his face. 

„You haven’t watched any of my videos lately, have you?“  
„No, I was backpacking through Europe, remember? I barely had internet.“, Harry explains as a little V forms on his forehead. 

„I’m changing to a school in London with Zayn. We’ll live there in the boarding department and we’ll be in London. Harry. I’ll be in London after Summer.“ 

Harry simply stares at him completely confused and shocked as he tries to understand what Louis has just said and Louis? 

All he can do is smile at Harry like a crazy maniac. 

„Is this a joke?“ 

Louis shakes his head. „Nope. We already got accepted and anything. We’ll start packing as soon as I get back to the UK.“ 

Harry is speechless and opens his mouth a few times but closes it again. 

„If it’s meant to happen, it will.“, Harry repeats and surges forward to press a dominant kiss onto Louis’ lips that he is happy to return. 

Louis lets his fingers slide up to Harry’s curls and grabs them tightly as he lays back on the sand causing Harry to move with him and hover over his body. 

Harry gets a hand on his waist and pulls him closer as their lips move in perfect sync and it get’s even better when Louis opens his mouth for Harry to slide his tongue into it and tips his head so he can have better access, mouth open and searching. 

He tastes eagerly, his grip on Louis’ waist growing stronger as he presses him harder against his body, against his skin, tongue sliding into his mouth, teeth catching and pulling on Louis’ bottom lip and Louis swears he’s in love. 

Harry has always been this perfect fantasy, this perfect thought of a man that Louis had inside his head. 

But now, actually being with him and talking to him and kissing him, he realizes that all his fantasies were so so wrong. 

Reality is a thousand times better. 

—--------------------

They stumble back to the hotel room awkwardly and laughing like children but Louis can’t seem to care as they kiss and pull away every five seconds when they have to walk and finally, Harry opens the door and lets them both in. 

As soon as the door is closed, Harry grabs the hem of his shirt and takes it off, throws it away and Louis can’t stop himself from staring at his beautiful man in awe. 

How is it possible to look this perfect? His abs, his shoulders, his collarbone. Everything about him is just flawless. 

Harry grins and pushes Louis against the door as his hands are back on Louis and he presses kisses on his neck making his way from his to his collarbone and Louis can’t stop the soft moans from escaping his lips and by the way Harry slowly gets hard against his leg, he doesn’t really care. 

With new found confidence, Louis pushes Harry back and guides him towards the bed, a hand steady on his strong chest. 

Harry lets himself fall onto the sheets and looks up at Louis with so much love in his eyes Louis blushes and immediately falls on his knees and begins to open Harry’s trousers. 

They manage to get him naked in a few seconds and Louis presses gentle kisses on Harry’s thighs, causing his eyes to flutter shut and let out soft sighs. 

Louis grins as he, very slowly makes his way towards Harry’s dick and then, teasingly licks the top. 

„Louis!“, Harry groans and grabs the white sheets tightly with both his fists. 

Louis can’t help the smirk as he even slower pulls the tip of Harry’s dick inside his mouth and begins to lick around it. He doesn’t go further than this, though, because he wants to see how much Harry can take. 

Not much, apparently. He begins to moan and groan the minute Louis’ lips are on him and grabs Louis’ hair with one of his fists and tugs on it. 

„Please! Louis!“ 

Louis decides that enough is enough. So he eventually shoves Harry’s entire dick inside his mouth and begins to suck as best as he can. 

He swirls his tongue and tries to get every inch, even helps out with his hand to get to the part he can’t reach so that Harry will literally come undone. 

And Harry does. „Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. Louis. Oh my God“ 

Proud of himself, he swirls his tongue again and begins to hum around his dick causing Harry to jolt up. 

„Oh my … do that again!“ 

So Louis does. He hums around his dick, sending the vibration through Harry’s entire body and Harry tugs even harder on his hair. 

„I’m gonna cum!“ 

Louis bobs his head up and down and doesn’t slow down and when Harry comes with Louis’ name on his lips it sounds like a prayer coming from god itself and Louis’ so hard he might come right on the spot without even being touched at all. He swallows it all like the good boy he is and eventually pulls of and wipes his mouth with his shirt. 

Harry stares at him in disbelief. „That was fucking amazing! Where did you learn that?“ 

Louis can’t help it. He can’t. That’s just how he always was with Harry: teasing and joking and being his sarcastic little self. 

So, with a playful smirk on his face, he answers: „From Tom.“ 

And Harry just - 

his eyes get dark and he tenses up and it looks so scary Louis immediately holds his hands up in defense and begins to giggle. 

„Harry, that was a joke! You know nothing ever happened between us! I’ve never done anything with anyone before! I swear!“ 

Harry raises his eyebrows and takes a deep breath. „You think this was funny?“ 

Louis bites on his bottom lip and shakes his head feeling guilty already. 

The guilt is immediately washed away when Harry grabs Louis body and pulls him towards the bed. 

He hovers over him and locks his arms over his body, holding them tight with one hand as he begins to roll his body into Louis’. 

„You think this is funny?“ 

Louis shakes his head as his dick begins to twitch painfully in his jeans. 

„Answer me, Tomlinson. You think it’s funny to lie to me? To make fun of me?“ 

Louis moans at this new dominant side of Harry as he continues to roll his hips down on Louis’ dick. „No. No. Fuck, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.“ 

„How can I know, though?“ 

„I promise, God. Harry, I’m so hard.“ 

„I’ll make you swear, trust me!“, Harry grins and then he’s gone. He pushes himself of the bed and hurries over to his suitcase and gets out some lube and condoms and quickly makes his way back to the bed again and then he’s on top of Louis and Louis sighs happily causing Harry to smirk at him. 

„Get naked!“ 

Louis nods and immediately opens his jeans and shoves them down with his pants as well. Harry helps him with his shirt and tosses it away heartlessly. 

Harry grabs his face with one hand, forcing Louis to look at him and suddenly the atmosphere gets serious. 

„Are you sure you want this?“, Harry softly asks, the dominant side of him gone within a second and Louis smiles up at him and presses a soft kiss on his lips. 

„Yes. I am.“ 

Harry grins and then, there’s hand on Louis’ throat joking him gently and wow, okay, Louis didn’t even know he was into that. But he can still breathe and he knows he’s safe with Harry and he has to admit, it’s fucking hot. 

Then, suddenly, there’s a finger pushing into Louis’ hole and he jolts up in surprise, he didn’t even expect Harry to be this quick but he’s not complaining as Harry curls the finger and tries to stretch Louis. 

„This okay?“ 

Louis only hums. 

The second finger follows quickly after and Louis groans. It’s weird and unfamiliar but it’s not too bad so he nods for Harry to enter the third one. 

Louis takes a sharp breath and scrunches his eyes closed. Okay, that hurts. Not too much, but it definitely hurts. 

„Shh. Look at me.“, Harry whispers and Louis does. 

And Harry stares at him with such an intensity, Louis gulps, and stares back just as mesmerized. 

„Are you ready?“ 

Louis nods and bites his bottom lip. 

And then Harry slowly enters him, grabbing both Louis’ hands tightly and kissing his neck to distract him from the pain. 

It hurts, but it’s not too terrible, he can definitely stand it. He expected it to be worse. So he bites his lip, takes a deep breath and hopes that the pain will go away soon. 

It does after a while. 

„Okay.“, Louis presses out. „Move.“ 

And, god, does Harry move. 

It’s slow and very sloppy, but Louis has never felt something as passionate and sexy in his entire life. 

Harry pushes in and out in slow movements, grunting every now and then and it’s nothing urgent or driven or pressured. It's about pleasure, about the secret knowledge of the love between them even though they haven’t admitted it just yet and the promises of more and soon and no hurry and god.

If he’s being honest he never expected sex to be this good, this amazing and maybe, very likely, it’s only because of Harry, because of the way he moans and groans into his ear and holds onto him tight and moves his hips like god himself and makes Louis see stars. 

„I’m so close, god Harry.“, Louis moans as he meets Harry’s thrust. 

Harry moans. „Me too. Come for me baby.“ 

And after a few more thrusts he eventually does with Harry’s name on his lips and he arches his back into Harry’s body. 

Harry follows soon after, holding him tightly and biting his earlobe gently. 

They’re a panting mess, both completely wrecked as they recover from their high just moments ago and Louis happily wraps his arms around Harry’s broad shoulders. 

They fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

 

———————

It’s early when he feels hands tracing down his body softly, drawing patterns on his back and his bare arms and he smiles sleepily. 

„Hmm.“, Louis mumbles, not opening his eyes just yet because he enjoys Harry’s hands on his skin. It leaves tingles everywhere he touches him. 

„Hey, Louis?“ 

„Hmm?“

He can hear Harry chuckle. 

„…I’m in love with you.“ 

And Louis’ heart stops for a minute and his lungs contract so he can’t breathe and he opens his eyes to look at Harry in the soft morning light, watches his loop sided smile, his dimples and his emerald green eyes and the incredible fond in his eyes. 

So Louis pulls himself up and lowers himself on Harry’s chest. Then he kisses him. 

Their lips meet and it’s sweet and warm and a little unsure and it’s everything to Louis. 

It’s also very slow, no passion nor heat behind it as their lips move against each other and he feels so right, so very much in place, like he’s supposed to be right here right now he pulls away gently and watches Harry carefully. 

„I’m in love with you, too.“, Louis whispers. A huge smile spreads over Harry’s face probably mirroring his own and Louis feels like he’s going to explode from happiness. 

„Remember when you said there will be a time I’ll be happy I didn’t give up because everything just feels right and I’ll be so happy, my heart will feel like it wants to jump out of my chest and it will feel so right and in place, I’ll almost cry because I’m so happy?“ 

Harry hums and pushes a hair strand out of Louis’ face and continues to stroke his hair gently. 

„That’s how I feel right now.“

**Author's Note:**

> Pleaseee leave me some comments and tell me what you think :) always makes my day!! xxx


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